And behold, the veil of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom; and the earth shook and the rocks were split. Matt 27:51

Ok, it's official; I'm either passionate about what I do or I have finally lost the plot. As the latter has always been true and I never had the plot, it is safe to say I am passionate about what I do. for those of you who are unaware i am currently training to be a vicar in the Crch of England.

I have reached the end of Term two: Year One already, ya what?! I hear you say, I know I can hardly believe they are still allowing me to train after that period of time too.....oh and yes, it has passed rather quickly. Though intensely, might I add....

So what makes me passionate, well I have decided, in my wisdom, that it might be interesting to try wearing the liturgical colours which the church has at the right times for the correct season as a form of discipline. 

'What are liturgical colours?' I hear you ask. What an excellent question! I reply. They are the different colours which the church uses to symbolise significant events which the church celebrates throughout the year. For example, red is used to celebrate the shedding of blood, thus saints days and Holy Week (this week) are red, purple however signifies kingship and a period of waiting so this is the colour used during advent and lent, green symbolises ordinary life and thus when nothing is being celebrated green is the colour, white is for celebrations so used at Christmas and Easter, as well as weddings, baptisms and confirmations. Normally these colours appear on the vestments (the clothes clergy wear) and church hangings at the appropriate time. 

A few weeks ago, just before lent actually, an idea sprang to my mind; why not symbolise these colours in other ways. The colours have been specifically chosen to symbolise different events, therefore why not have a daily reminder?

Yes, we decorate the building which the church meets in but as the people who meet to worship God together we are the actual church, therefore why not dress ourselves in these symbolic colours to share with all we meet this symbolism, even subtly, and daily remind ourselves of their significance.

Therefore, for the last eight weeks my nails have been painted the correct liturgical colour. That's right, I LOVE having my nails painted and I wondered how it might be rather than them be painted any random colour I fancied, what if they had a theme? What if they symbolised something? Could I go a whole year wearing the correct liturgical colours on my nails? 

The short answer is; I'll have a try. So I started with green, in ordinary time. The downside to this plan is there is a LOT of green over the summer and thus before I committed I had to find a green I would be comfortable with wearing for long periods of time and not get weary. The joy was that as I started just before lent I have been wearing purple for six weeks, then red this week. Now I have reached Good Friday I have 'stripped' them, as it were, for the new few days. You see in church buildings we strip away all the cloths and hangings and make the church bare to symbolises the sacrifice Jesus made on the cross. Then on Easter Sunday people arrive into church to find it decorated in white and gold coverings for the celebration of His having risen. It is a brightening and exciting experience, which is profoundly powerful!

So this evening my nails are stripped with no colour added and do you know what? It's serving it's purpose, it is reminding me, in a hugely visual way what we are celebrating.

I am desperate to just put some clear on but I won't even let myself do that. 

I am pretty sure most people at theological college have no clue this is happening at all, partly because if I am not 100% accurate with when I replace colours etc I do not want the pressure to be there if I get it wrong. However, I am taking photos of each season at the different points in which they appear to record the process. 

So far it has been interesting and challenging, let's hope it continues. Let's also wait to see whether my colleagues notice.... There was comment on the beautiful purple my nails were at breakfast one morning, to which I responded they would be like that for a while and stole a glance at one of my housemates, who caught my eye and smiled. At least my housemates are aware of the insanity of my concept. The hilarious thing is, they think it's great and one housemate has informed her placement supervisor, who was also suitably impressed. Not bad coming from a male colleague. 

God Bless, Deborah ><>

Go out and train everyone you meet, far and near, in this way of life... Matt 28:19

I have post-event hang over. Do you know what that's like? 

I'm exhausted physically and therefore I know I have been involved with something major, this is mixed with a faint excitement and buzz of adrenaline which is left over from the event. Thrown in is an undercurrent of deep sadness which threatens to build if one dwells on what has occurred too long. Yet, one has the temptation to bring names, situations and encounters up over and over again, like verbal vomit, to whomever happens to be around. Yes, I have a serious case of post-event fever. 

This weekend 1st - 3rd March I and my colleagues were sent on mission. Six teams departed college at various times on Friday and re-grouped in different locations across the North East. One group went as far north as Holy Island and another went as far south as Doncaster,  the rest of us were spread in between. One group stayed in Durham and went to the prison, while we went to the Metro Centre in Gateshead. 

We had started planning for this back in October when we had first met the Metro Centre's Chaplin: The Reverend Canon Lyn Jamison over lunch. Lyn was initially hesitant, with good reason, to have a team in the Metro Centre, as she later said 'It had to be the right team' but early into our meeting she sat back and smiled. Sharing her concern, she then added 'but after five minutes of meeting you all I knew this is going to be good.' 

Five months of planning, meetings both within college as a team and at the Metro Centre, e-mails back and forth, designs for posters, t-shirts, labyrinths....the list is endless it seems and it all came together this weekend. The only team who can say they officially had a marketing team on board, we were hugely supported and encouraged by the Metro Centre. 

On Friday we arrived for 2pm and began with a meeting with Lyn in one of the Metro Centre board rooms, drank coffee, ate homemade flapjack and fridge cake (made by one of our wonderful, additional, team members) and talked about the set up for the weekend. Having established enough caffeine in our systems and that we had bought everything we could possibly need, for now at least, we headed onto the floor. There was an area which had been cordoned off. This was our space. 

The first thing was; where would we set up the Labyrinth? Steve set out the marker and we realised just how big it was going to be. That in itself took up a huge portion of our allotted space! But we decided to map it out and then figure where our other stalls would go. Having mapped it out in a place on one side of our square we realised it wouldn't work in that position and therefore we started again. At some point we stopped for a coffee break before pressing on. Before we knew it we had a stage, a labyrinth and four stalls or allocated areas and it was time for dinner.











After a lovely meal and time of fellowship, mostly spent in laughter, we discussed some final logistics and prayed together. Then it was home for a few hours sleep before re-convening again at the Metro Centre at 9am. 

Saturday morning began with coffee or tea, laughter (par for course with our group), prayer and final changes to set up. Posters went up as shoppers began to start their day of events and we took up positions on whatever stall it was we were allocated to. It was a day filled with activities from creation collages, to prayer tree requests, people taking a journey around the Labyrinth or a free sweet and prayer card or Pencil, to having shoes cleaned or hands massaged. Some part took in everything. Meanwhile, on the hour we had dramas, songs, shows etc...everything from would you Adam and Eve it to puppets and even a flash mob! 

It was fantastic!!! We had some incredible conversations and moments. At the end of a wonderfully exhausting day we reflected on what it had held, how God had moved and what had challenged us. Then we put aside mission for a few hours and joined Lyn's husband for dinner, a great way of winding down but continuing to be church and fellowship together. Then we headed home for a few hours of sleep before doing it all again on Sunday. 

Sunday, we had less to set up with a plan of holding two services rather than dramas, stories, or puppets as we had had the day before. So it was a smoother start to the day with the band sorting out the gear, but we simply took our various positions, as we had the day before. Time flew and before we knew it we had held two services, both with great impact at different levels, and had had another day of engaging with people and meeting them where they were at. As the centre announced it's closing we began to close off our section, to as it had been when we had set up on Friday night, we removed posters, equipment and finally the Labyrinth. If this had been a pain to put down it certainly was a nightmare to pull up!! But oh how we laughed!!!



There was a sadness and reluctance to leave our square, looking at it now it was as though we had never been there. As we drank more coffee, tea or hot chocolate and ate flapjack, cake or fruit we chatted about the day and prayed together but all were aware of the loitering cloud which was descending of fatigue and an unwillingness to leave, to say goodbye. Finally poor Lyn managed to bid us fair well and get us out and we each separated off to our different modes of travel. However, not before a team hug!


The conclusion we had come to: it had felt such a natural and normal thing to do. 

Now at the end of a fantastic, fast paced, weekend I am left wondering what do I take from a this and where do I go next? I may never know but as I begin to process all I have encountered and revel in the privilege it has been, I shall ponder and pray, and of course sleep and rest on my well earned (I feel) day off.  

Take stock and admire the view

I live in one of the most beautiful places on the British Isles. Durham has; history, green, flowing water, and is stunning! The only downside; the hills! They are everywhere and there is no avoiding them, especially walking up to college on a morning.

Last week I decided to go for a walk, it was a gorgeous afternoon. Cold but bright. I headed, like a dog, towards the water. When I am in one of those kind of moods I just want to explore.

Explore I did! I found new paths and ways around. It was FANTASTIC! And for the most part I could hear the cathedral bells ringing out.

As I was walking I saw a bench by the river and felt inclined, a God nudging I call it, to sit. The view of the river was breathtaking!
I felt God say I want you to 'stop and admire the view'.

If you like climbing hills, as I do, if you didn't stop and rest you would wear yourself out and possibly cause yourself all kinds of injuries. Furthermore, if you kept climbing all the way to the top and didn't take stock and admire the view it would seem a bit of a pointless walk wouldn't it?!

So one thing I'm thinking about doing is stopping and admiring the view along this journey. I would like to invite you to do the same.

Can I invite you to make comments bellow my blog posts of anything which is challenging you.

Writing and journaling helps, in my experience, have you tried it?

I am setting myself the goal of taking myself physically out of college at set points in the day or week to write, have a coffee and 'admire the view'.

Part of the pause is to 'take stock' remember.

So take time to look how far you have come, what has challenged you?, what was helpful?, what have you learned? Then look forward to what comes next.

Have you got more of a climb to go?, are there resting places you can see along the way?, are you heading downhill after a pause of a while at the top?, what things can you see in the journey ahead where you can smile?, what might be the more difficult patches? Ready?

GO!

John 15:12-15 “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you”.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

At the start of every New Year I like to reflect a little on the year before, what has stood out to me? What had God done in my life? What has changed? How do I feel about what has happened in the year just past? What have I learnt? Am I the same person I was at the start of last year? You get the idea.

So this year has been no different. As I have enjoyed the sunshine, fresh air and relaxing atmosphere of the start of this New Year I have been pondering whether to write a blog at all. If I did what on earth would I say?

Well I started with my first question; what has stood out to me this year?

I could list any number of things; the queens jubilee, the Olympics and the summer cafe outreach we as a church ran for the two week period that was on, or our amazing two week family holiday to Malta. Or how about the major transition of changing career path and accepting God’s calling to train for ministry in the church of England, then starting the training and all that has involved?!

Yes 2012 held some amazing highlights and some hard times too. I am sure if I racked my brains hard enough I could list so much more. However, what hit me above everything else is the incredible blessing God has given me in the friends He has provided me with!!

This year I have started to learn to depend on people in new ways, God has been trying to teach me this this year, and I have been shocked and amazed at the love and support I have received.  Yes God has brought loving, hospitable, caring, funny, intelligent, beautiful people into my life to share its journey with. People who have housed me (for a ridiculous number of months), fed me, looked after my stuff, ferried me around, played with me, watched films with me, let me cry and moan on their shoulders, people who have laughed with me, drank wine with me, walked and talked with me and so much more!!! Above all they have loved me. They are fantastic people!!

Some have recently entered my life, others have been around much longer, some even longer still. They have seen my grumpy, sad, challenging sides as well as some of the more amiable sides of my personality and character.

I don’t know why I have been blessed in such a way, God is good to us just because He loves us and I feel ultra special to have so many blessings around in my life!!! I would be lost without these people and I thank God daily for them.

If you are one of these people – thank you!! Please know I love you and value your impact on my life, but more importantly God loves you and is using you for His glory (even on the days you don’t feel like it.)

I believe we are made to be in relationship with one another and although this is not always easy God does bless us with important people to share this adventure of life with. I look forward to sharing the year ahead with the people who God has blessed me with more and more.

In 2013 there will be more new people who will enter my life and who knows what kind of impact they will have?! Every relationship will change, the always are, but some will change more dramatically than others as they will move, start new jobs and bless other people’s lives and although I am not looking forward to this I know it is God’s plan and purpose and I shall trust His provision knowing He will solidify the relationships He has blessed me with in new and exciting ways.

Looking back to the year just gone and looking forward to the year ahead what stands out and inspires you?

I hope you have a fantastic year whatever it holds for you and quoting a very good friend of mine ‘May you be blessed by and be a blessing to the people who are in your life’ in 2013.

Love, Deborah ><>

'This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him.' 1 John 4:9

Christmas, what is it all about?

Have you stopped and listened to the music blasting from the ceilings as you look at endless potential Christmas presents? What does it proclaim? What do children think when they think of Christmas day? Presents, a man with a white beard and red jacket, reindeer, elf’s and a chance to see some good films on t.v?

Are we called as ministers and prospective ministers of religion to proclaim accurately the story of Christmas? If so, how do we do that? But what is the ‘accurate’ story of Christmas? Do we know and does it matter? These are a few of the questions brandishing my rather fuzzy head after only ten weeks at theological college.

Last week I listened to a fantastic sermon for the college staff from our amazing Chaplin for last year’s college carol service. It brought the nativity story alive in a way I could not have imagined. It made it something which could have happened right then and there, was it accurate? Perhaps not 100% theologically...discuss...which we did. Yes, my humble lecturer listens to us rebellious lot and takes our criticism wisely and with dignity (if you hadn’t noticed I think she’s not too bad ;-)). But did it matter that she had three wise women turning up at the crib scene and not epiphany? No (at least not in my opinion) and why? Because it made the gospel come alive and relevant to the group of people who would be listening to it. That is what I believe Christmas is about.

You see, God has always been here. It is us who have stopped ourselves acknowledging His existence. Thus He brought Himself right into our situation and made Himself completely relevant. So much so that everyone from the lowest of the low (shepherds) to the highest of the high (kings or wise people)saw Him and acknowledged who He was, a few Angels even showed up to sing and dance a bit.

Last week I visited a school where the children proclaimed the gospel story through words, actions and song. This is a non-religious school and they were doing a job better than I could have done and I’m supposed to be the ‘trainee vicar’. Was it theologically accurate? Nope, not entirely, did it matter? I don’t think so because if, on some level, the gospel got through to one person in that room when it was preformed week then it has been used by God in a very ordinary situation. Even if not, God challenged me. I mean there was a bunch of children singing “Jesus is a gift, He is a gift for us all” over and over. Now if that’s not God working through the ordinary I don’t know what is. I was moved to tears. And it hit me; surely Christmas is about God working through the ordinary – bringing Himself into a situation for our sake.

So this Christmas look for God in the ordinary. In the silliness around the Christmas table, the candle flickering, the Christmas lights, the t.v. programmes, the songs we sing and especially in the gifts because God’s most precious gift He gave to us over 2,000 years ago in His One and Only Son – Jesus.

Hope you have a very Merry and Joy filled Christmas!

Love and Blessings, Deborah ><>

Do we crowd out God?

I wake up every morning and say "hello" to God, roll over and put on the radio. I then get ready for the day ahead, rush through Morning Prayer (I am an ordinand now) with a bit of a ‘quiet time’, which involves reading my bible and reeling off a few prayers and a meditation  for the day. At breakfast I might read a Christian book or the church times (I told you I am an Ordinand), walk to work listening to some Christian music or catch up with my mum on the phone and grab the bus where I again pick up a Christian book to read before starting the day at work. On the way home I might check my diary, meet a friend for coffee, and eat with friend’s some dinner. By the time I have checked e-mails, done any work I need to do, attended meetings or whatever it might be the evening holds, I roll into bed, do evening prayer with another meditation, jot a few things in my prayer journal and switch off the light.

In any of that time have I made space to listen to God? No. Why do we need to listen to Him? Surely we listen on Sunday mornings or in our worship sessions?

Well, sometimes yes we do.  But at others we are too busy doing other things, talking to friends, serving one another, ensuring things are running smoothly, preoccupied with liturgy or where you are in the service...the list goes on.

But why is this important? How many relationships do you have which are one way? I bet it is not many. I know I wouldn’t be too impressed if my friends started ignoring me, putting on the t.v., reading a book, talking to other friends whenever I tried to talk to them. Isn’t this what we do to God? He wants a relationship with us and calls us friends so wants a friendship – us talking and Him talking too. But are we crowding God out?

Hold on, I listen to Christian music. I read Christian books. I read my bible and pray and meditate on Godly things. I attend services, pray with friends and discuss my bible. Surely I am listening to God and involving Him in every area of my life?

In some ways yes, these are all good things to be doing (you might be thinking you need to get a life and you know what, you probably aren’t wrong!) but are they not distractions from pausing and just BEING with God?

I wrote this a few weeks ago. Since, things have got worse. I am now a full-time training ordinand. This entails getting up and doing morning prayer with the community in which I live and work every morning after breakfast at 8.30am and evening prayer every night before dinner at 5.15pm with optional Eucharist on  a Monday, Wednesday and Friday morning at 7.30 am and Compline at 9pm Monday and Wednesday. Not to mention community worship every Tuesday evening, again this is compulsory.

All this is great, but accompanied by busy , long days ,and lots of time with people in the community it leaves little time to just ‘be’ with God. Who would think that training vicars would have less time listening to God than anyone else? Could it be that I am crowding God out more now than I ever did previously?

This topic has really challenged me! I am not pretending to have an answer, but I do wonder what God makes of all this. I think that God loves us and wants to spend time with us, I think this isn’t for His benefit but for our own, so why do we not make time to be with Him? This is my challenge, to fit my time around God not the other way round. Rather than trusting the set prayer, listening to Christian lyrics, reading Christian literature and generally filling my life with ‘good Christian things’. Not that I think any of these things are wrong but instead think I may benefit more from actually spending time with my Father, Creator, councillor and friend. What do you think?

Love and Blessings, Deborah <><

Hello all, 

 I have been reading a book which has had the most peculiar cover. I have seen this cover in numerous book shops, even before I owned the book and for a long time I have thought it was an odd pattern to have on the cover, till now. 

 Let me describe it for you. It is orange and has an odd shaped river running down the middle, odd because it doesn't quite flow as a river should. As the book is about two people who love one another and nothing to do with a river at all you can see my confusion. 

A couple of weeks ago I sat in bed and looked down at this cover. Now bare in mind how long I have seen this cover for. Suddenly, I realised it was the silhouette of two faces, one male and the other female. How much more that makes sense! 

 I stared at the cover for ages, a little like that picture of the old and young women in the same picture. But it depends how you look at it. That's what this was like. As I looked at it the word 'perspective' came to mind. 

How often things are about perspective. We can travel through life sticking with one perspective - our own or we can chose to see things for a different perspective. Sometimes this other perspective can come from listening to others and hearing their perspective, this can broaden our view. Perhaps if someone else had pointed out the silhouette's when looking at the book I would have seen it too. However, by far the best perspective to have is God's. 

 God see's all things and therefore can do what we can't; see things from every perspective. The bible tells us the blind will see and the deaf will hear. (Isaiah 29:19) Yes those who are both physically blind and deaf will be healed, Jesus did those while He was on earth did He not?! But it is also reffering to those who do not see or hear out of choice. However, if we ask God He will enlighten us. We will see things from another perspective. Perhaps a friend is going through a hard time and you can't understand why, ask God to show you, ask Him to help you hear them when they speak to you about it. Perhaps you would like to know what to do next, ask God but also ask Him to help you accept what He shows you. Of course it may be you slimply want to ask to have your eyes opened and to see His hand at work. 

 A little word of warning, God answers our prayers but for His glory NOT ours!!! Bare this in mindp when you are asking and talking to Him. Also, with revelation sometimes comes responsibility so be prepared to respond. However always remember we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us. (Philippians 4:13) 

 So with a little change of perspective it is amazing what we will see differently. 

 Love and blessings, and as always please get in touch, leave a comment or let me know what you think it's great to discuss these things not just write about them. But also to pray for and with you, Deborah ><>