Cars, planes and trains...."Wear your traveling clothes...as though prepared for a long journey..." Ex 12:11

So I have returned to York. How odd it feels and yet there is something wonderfully exciting about being home.

I don’t think I ever envisaged this part of the journey. I have looked forward to seeing people I love dearly again but I didn’t actually ever process how it might feel to be in York again. In some ways it feels like I have never left yet I long for the differences to confirm it is not only me who has changed. I must confess I am also scared. What if I bump into someone I know and I have no idea how to react to them. To be honest, a part of me wants to run away. It sounds odd but that is how I process things; to run and hide for a while. Another part of me begs time to stop while I figure out what it is that is happening within my heart and mind but instead time feels as though it passes quicker in England than it did in Tanzania – a feeling I, quite frankly, hate!

Yesterday I boarded my usual two trains and the underground before getting back to York, where I was met by a dear friend whom I am staying with for the weekend. How wonderful it is to catch up with him and his wife! So although there was no plane yesterday it has taken me trains, buses, cars and planes to eventually be back.

Yesterday London was wet, heaving and generally my worst possible travel conditions. God was faithful and led me where I needed to be and there were some lovely people travelling. Something I have discovered since being back is if you are willing to be friendly 90% of people are willing, at least, to smile back. The problem is wanting to make the effort in the first place. Particularly as it seems everyone is pushing to get what is best for them at that particular time but we are called to shine like stars as Christians, are we not? And sometimes that requires us not to do what everyone else is doing, or what seems natural and push our way to the best position. Rather, we should offer it up. That is hard! I am telling you. But sometimes it requires only that we smile, make small talk with people and be polite that in itself can be enough to brighten anyone’s day.

As you are all aware it is new years eve. I love New Year (or Hogmanay and we refer to it in our house) as I offers some time of reflection over the last year and as I take the next step into the year ahead it is good to see the journey I have undertaken with God. It enables me to see His provision in my life and fill me with a new hope for the year ahead. I am always surprised by how much God seems to have filled in my life in a year and how unexpected most of it has been – some of it good, some not so great but all the adventure I took through choice but also through God’s define provision and abundant grace. How grateful I am to share this journey with Him, and most certainly all of you!

This new year’s eve I am doing something quite different. I have always celebrated previous years with my family and then friends, if we were joining them. This year however marks the momentous occasion where I solely celebrate with friends here in York. It wasn’t that I had particularly planned it but simply that it made more sense to be here now rather than try and travel on Monday. As I read my diary I flicked back to find that I had travelled out of York on August 30th and here I was returning on December 30th through no intention of my own – that’s God for you! So I don’t believe this was my planning and I think that it probably is a good representation of what God has been doing in me over the last year.

Anyway, this will be my last blog of this year. I wish you a very Happy, Blessed and Joyful New Year! Thank you for sharing the adventures we have had this year and I look forward to stepping into and sharing the adventures we will have in 2012. See you on the other side...journeying in ways other than cars, trains and aeroplanes...although we might do that as well.

Love and Blessings, Deborah ><>

'For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given...' Isaiah 9:6

Hi, I hope you had a wonderful Christmas and I know for several of us we are still enjoying the holidays (for a few more days at least).

As my mother says every year; “Well that’s it for another year.” So what have you gained from the Christmas period?

I love advent. Yes I love Christmas but I have to say advent is my favourite. The run up to Christmas gives me space to ponder why I am celebrating this festival and focus on God. Every year I ask Him to teach me something new from the Christmas period because I believe there is so much in this story which we can learn, with God’s help. However, this year I found I couldn’t ask Him to teach me something new. I am not sure why this is but I think it might have something to do with spending the first three weeks of advent in a hot climate in somewhere which I found it difficult to connect with Christmas. In addition to this I find my mind is half in that world still and thus I can hardly believe Christmas was celebrated. So it has been a struggle to accept my physical surroundings let alone ponder the Christmas story and see what God has to teach me this year.

Having said that, I was reading Vicky Beeching’s (Christian music and song writer) blog on boxing. She was looking at the Christmas message in association with the prodigal son and I found that an interesting comparison. I gained so much from another’s insights that I couldn’t help but wonder whether you had learnt anything this year?

I have been taking daily walks for the last week for about an hour at a time. I was out in the beautiful kent countryside yesterday afternoon and was talking to God. I will be honest I love York but I am struggling with the concept of returning in two days time (the horses in the field next to me must have thought I was going mad). I was being honest with God about the whole thing. As we were talking I found myself bringing up the topic of Christmas and my sadness at not having learnt anything new. As I talked to Him about it I realised that something I think is wonderful about the Christmas story is how God provides. He is present in all the little things. He doesn’t leave Joseph to grapple with whether to leave Mary or stay, although I think He did give Joseph the time to grapple for a while, but instead sent and angel to Him also. He involved some unsuspecting shepherds. He told the wise men to go home a different route and sent Mary and Joseph to Egypt. He was present in the little things. Although I am sure we would agree we would have preferred better accommodation than a stable, and let’s face it if God is God he could have arranged it, that it was His perfect plan. Did Mary and Joseph complain? I don’t know, it’s not recorded if they did but I bet they were just relieved to have somewhere to stay and how many of us have been in situations and wanted something better yet at the same time been relieved it wasn’t worse? I know I have (a lot recently). He picked the one person who could relate to Mary’s situation to be a relation; her cousin Elizabeth. God is in the little things. What is more, this is the case for us today too. If we let Him God will be in every little thing. I have experienced that hugely over the last few months. I am grateful that I no longer have to pray for water on a regular basis but did God object to me asking? I don’t think so and did He answer and provide Yes He did because He loves us and enjoys being involved in every aspect of our lives.

So can I encourage you to ask God to speak into the little things in your lives? Also, please share anything you have been learning this Christmas in the comments section bellow.

Thanks. Much love and Blessings and I hope you had a wonderful Christmas and have some brilliant new year celebrations this weekend. Deborah ><>

'One half of the world cannot understand the pleasures of the other.' Jane Austen, Emma

Hi all,

So i have been home two whole weeks! I can hardly believe it! What is more it was christmas at the weekend and that is the most bazzar concept i can fathom. But HAPPY CHRISTMAS!!!

These weeks feel as though they have passed rather quickly. During this time I have; washed clothes (in a washing machine!!!!!!!); sang christmas carols; wrapped christmas prezzies; helped break a world record with 17,000 people in the UK; watch the church nativity; baked; shopped and much more.

I think i am adapting back into being in the UK fairly well. I haven't had any freek out's thus far and i have been in several shopping centres already. Perhaps it is because i am keeping busy, when you have a dad who is a minister you are always busy at this time of the year. Perhaps it is an answer to all your prayers. Perhaps it's because it feels as though nothing has changed...however that is where i am struggling a bit. You see i expected things to have changed. In some ways they have but in others my brain is struggling to process what it has absorbed over the last three months while life has been continuing here.

One thing i have notcied is a slight change within myself. I was walking through one of those shopping centre's i mentioned and found that i wanted to smile at everyone i met. In addition to that i want to talk to every shop worker i am being served by. Not to be nosey, not to be 'sociable' but because i genuinely want to brighten up their day. I want Christ to reach through me and touch them. Although i wanted this before for some reason it feels easier now and i am not sure why, perhaps it is my shear delight at being home...? I'm not sharing this with you because i want to sound good or christian but because i want to be honest about my whole expereince.

I have also found that i have been presumptious and judgemental regarding the english people. I presumed when i returned i would find it hard because no-one would interact with me but on the same shopping trip, not only did i find myself reacting oddly but, i had three different conversations with serval people in groups, cuplets or individually. It was great! I love talking to people - you all know that! But this was beyond what i was used to and it was lovely.

I would love to know what God is teaching me through all this perhaps one day i will know and perhaps i will never know. Time here certainly moves a lot faster than in Tanzania and i know my perception on how things were has already been completely tainted because I am now surrounded by familurarity. Never underestimate the feeling of comfort which comes from the little things; people wearing clothes you would expect and acknowledge them to wear; black tarmac on roads with central reservations and cows standing in feilds not just walking up the middle of the road; christmas trees in windows; hot water; kettles and washing machines; etc.

I must admit i fear loosing what i knew and understood during my time in Tanzania. However, i trust God will continue to teach and show me things which i can't predict nor forsee. In the meantime i will keep sharing.

Love and blessings, Deborah ><>

For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them." Matt 18:20

"The enemy knows that we are more vulnerable when we are removed from our support systems. All too often that is when believers get themselves into trouble. Vulnerability to others leads to strength." Rebecca St James

So we are back in the UK!!

It was a crazy last few weeks. Firstly my computer died after a power surge and therefore i had little to no connection to the internet, hence not being able to write a blog. Then i got incredibly poorly through my doxicycline getting stuck in my esophogus. After a 6 days of pain every time i swallowed food or drink, one night of excruciating pain where lieing and and swallowing saliva was agony, and an inspection from a retired doctor it was decided i should see a doctor in Dar Es Salam. Turn out Doxicyclin has an acid external coating which when stuck in your esophegus can cause ulceration. As it was uncertain that they would be able to help me in Dar i was told i had to pack up all my things and plan for returning to the UK a week and a half before i was due to leave. Faced with a potential few hours left in Iringa I said goodbye to as many people as i could and headed to my, potentially last, bible study group which i had joined while i was there. At this group I was sat in the middle of a circle and prayed for. I also let people know at home i needed prayer and they promised me they were praying.

The next day i got on a bus and headed on a 9 hour journey to Dar. It was aweful drinking let alone eating anything. We arrived in Dar to find out the machine we needed to check my esophogus was in one particular hospital and the person who knew how to work it had died the year before. I just thought 'that's it, i'm going home to England as there is no point me going to Nairobi to see someone. The next mornig i got out of bed and had a cup of tea...it idn't hurt!! I had breakfast and with every swallow i waited and...it didn't hurt! Coincidence? Perhaps but for me that is a bit too big a coincidence.

We went to the hospital anyway and saw a general doctor who said if i was making progress it sounded as though i would be ok but prescribed something incase it got worse again. The next day i took the bus back to Iringa and enjoyed my last week in town and week and a half in Tanzania. It might be a coincidence in some people's eyes but i believe it was an answer to prayer and because people loved and supported me in this powerful way.

Back in Iringa I enjoyed a last day at school, served at Neema and celebrated proper goodbyes. Then we got on a bus and travelled back to Dar before heading on two minibuses and a taxi to the airport on tuesday morning.

Now i am home and trying to absorb all that has happened. I sat on the airoplane and thought 'gosh that really all happened!'. For three months nothing has been predictable or known and now i am surrounded by familiar surroundings it feels like some strange comma i was in. Yet i have scars and marks to show for the time missing. Part of the marks include those left by people i met and love in Iringa. Others are from those here who i left behind.

One thing i learnt while i was there was that in order to build relationships in a constantly changing community you have to be vulnerable and jump right in. I tried to do this. The truth is this leads to hurt and pain but the other option is never fitting in, never making an impact and not fulfilling the role God has for you to do. It hurts!!! But gosh is the pain worth it!!

The quote i have today is from a Christian Song writer and artist Rebecca St James. This is a woman of God who is a real inspirtation to me.

I was removed from all my support systems physically when i left for Africa but God was with me. he provided new support systems and gave me the choice to accept or decline them. Now i am home and hurting it would be easy for me to say 'why did i even bother?' but i praise God that He gave me those relationship, even as i was sitting on the bus to Dar on Sunday morning bawling my eyes out i praise Him for the opportunity to meet and build the relationships i have. They have been so imcredibly important to me and i believe it was because of their prayers that i was healed and could return to Iringa for one last week. They stood be side me and cried on God for healing.

Of course it wasn't and hasn't been just them who have supported me. Each of you have been praying and supporting me through e-mails and facebook messages, reading this blog, comments etc. I have never once forgotten how much love and support i have received from you all and continue to do so. It is because of you that I have been protected and had strength. So Thank You!!

I will continue to keep you updated as i walk through this continnuing adventure now i have returned to the UK.

Thank you again, all my love and prayers, Deborah ><>

‘For such a time as this.’ Esther 4:14

Have you ever experienced a day when you thought ‘this is it: I feel fulfilled, content and invigorated’?

That is how I have felt nearly every day this week which is incredible!! Why? I am not entirely sure but I have a suspicion it is nothing to do with me and more to do with my best friend and Lord of the universe.

Firstly, let me make the point that it is not that it has been an easy week or that every day I haven’t faced challenges – particularly in the form of living in African culture. Let me paint you a part of the picture which my week has included;

Every day I have woken and faced the question of how I slept; I have had less than a week’s worth of good sleep since I arrive in Tanzania – not good when you’ve been here 2 months – yep that is right months! I wondered what it would feel like to be at this point; now I am facing it.

Every day I have started work at 8am and finished no later than 2pm. Then I have either gone to Neema for lunch and a chill out before doing something Katy and Ben (the new managers at Neema) have needed me to do- I was on stock room organising and clearing this week; not exactly the most glamorous job I can tell you. Then I have wandered home or seen friends.

Every day I have been approached by Africans either declaring their love for me in Kiswahili (great for the ego if it didn’t freak me out so much), or telling me I am beautiful and trying to touch either my skin or hair or both. Another encounter included being asked if I worked at the international school and would I pass on a letter to a friend of hers who went there – 15 year olds eh?!

At school; I have had money stolen out of my purse from in my classroom (for the 4th time), I have helped teach our 5 P1’s because their teacher has been on a conference this week – frustrating at times I can tell you.

All these things have been tainted by blessings beyond anything I could ask or imagine; seeing a chameleon at school and the children’s reaction (e.g. naming it Steve with squeals of joy); teaching outside; meeting the audiologist who visits twice a year and learning how to make ear-moulds by hand for hearing aids then talking about deaf culture; conversations with friends and times of sharing; time with God being challenged and fed.

I must confess my first instinct was to say that things felt right because they were finally going in a way I was comfortable with; I had a routine and was doing what I had thought I would be doing all along.

Let’s face it we all know life is hard and full of challenges but this week I believe has felt ‘right’, I believe, because every day I have placed the day before me in God’s hands. Not because I am ‘religious’ or a ‘good Christian’, in fact lately I have felt so far from either of those statements being true, but because I know I literally cannot face the day without God. And Him being faithful has provided abundantly daily.

Another thing I want to point out is this feeling ‘right’ has come with sacrifice. It is only when I gave up everything and acknowledged that nothing I have is mine; not money, not strength; not knowledge; not love; not my body- NOTHING!! That I had a peace and joy beyond all understanding in everything. I believe that is how God works. He requires our all and in return, with our hands open, He fills to overflowing.

I chose the bible passage ‘for such a time as this’ because I have come to accept that is why God has called me here. Just as Esther was called to be queen ‘for such a time as this’, I have been called to Tanzania, to Iringa ‘for such a time as this’. Don’t know why, perhaps I never will, but it strikes me that nothing about Esther’s reign is recorded after that point. She took a step of faith and trusted God. I am sure that made an impact on the rest of her life as well as the Jew’s but we don’t find out how. We also don’t find out why she was chosen by God all we do know is that she said Yes to God.

So whatever the reason, whatever the plan, I am saying yes to God and asking as my brothers and sisters in Christ you stand as witnesses with me in this.

Thank you for continuing this adventure with me. Let me join you in your adventure; please continue to ask for prayers. I have certainly been reminded this week that sometimes we need other members of the body of Christ to hear on our behalf.

Love and blessings, Deborah ><>

"Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head." Matt 8:20

Burnt earth and countryside imposes itself upon us as we drive through Tanzania. Here the people burn the surrounding hills before replanting. The problem with this ‘purification’ of the land is that it doesn’t work and it has a negative effect on the environment.

“I hate fire.” mutters the ten year old next to me as we drive through this destroyed environment. “It’s not good for anything.” I try to explain that it is good for warmth, cooking etc but she denies it. And I don’t blame her; why would you accept anything good from the thing which has just changed your existence and you have always known it?

This landscape is a sudden reminder of what we are driving home to face; a burnt existence, ashes remaining of a family’s life as they knew it only two weeks ago.

As we drive through the burnt rolling hills we have to exclaim “Isn’t it stunning!” And it is. The smoke rolls up off the hills and the sun shines through the smog, remaining greenery gleams in exuberant contrast to its smouldered surroundings. It is absolutely beautiful.

This all makes me wonder; what do we classify as home? Is it the physical place where our belongings are? Or where we have the most memories? Is it where our loved ones are? Or where we are placed for the time being?

Technically I guess you could argue that Iringa is my home at the moment, while I am in Tanzania. It is where I am mostly based. However, actually my home is in the UK but even there it is questionable as to where home is for me there.

Last night as I prepared to leave yet another place of residence before completing the last leg of our mini-adventure, inside this great big one I am having. I realised there was part of me dreading going back to Iringa and part of me excited about the prospect and instantly my brain acknowledged it as home. Why I am not sure but it did. It is a muddled feeling to think of it in this way, yet it feels quite peaceful.

But for the Harts will Iringa ever feel like home again? I’m not sure. We will explore this concept more over the coming weeks I feel.

In Matthew Jesus tells the disciples that foxes have homes and birds have nests but the son of man has no-where to rest our head. In Philippians 3:20 Paul tells us that heaven is our home. So is it any wonder we struggle sometimes to define a home on earth?

As an individual who has moved house many times this is an area of conversation I have with my parents regularly; do we have a home as such? In some ways no and, in others, yes. Many times we have been brought back to these bible passages.

One thing which is apparent is that there is ‘stunning’ beauty in everything- even the most burnt, blackened existences. May I be so cheesy as to say; especially when the son shines through?

Even now in the heartbreak and trauma of a burnt lost home God has provided in the most amazing and superb ways; the way only He can! Particularly in the form of good friends – I feel so blessed to have you!

As we drive towards Iringa smoke filling our eyes, so they sting, and our noses, seeing locals burning the land, I wait in trepidation for what God has in store for us now. Holding on to the promise that one day those of us who know Jesus will be home eternally. What a great day that will be!

Later we had a conversation in the car which included where home was for the Hart’s.

Thanks for your love and prayers,

As always please let me know any prayer requests you have.

Love and Blessings, Deborah ><>

'...Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning.' (Psalm 30:5)

There are certain defining moments in all of our lives aren’t there? Things which when we face them change the course of history in quite a dramatic way. They leave us shocked, bewildered and reflecting. Sometimes they come on a universal scale and affect us all at the same time, like 9-11 or the tsunami. They are words on our lips which when uttered stir an emotional response we cannot fathom, sometimes they leave us speechless. Other times these defining moments are our own person ones. In these cases others help when they can and love us but mostly we face a new future which is completely unfathomable in our own bubble. No one can really know what it is like in that exact moment in time for us.

How do we deal with this? How do we process it and as Christians how can we relate to God in these situations?

This morning these questions hurled themselves into my face in the form of a defining moment. It wasn’t my defining moment but it almost feels the same. As the white cloudy sky allowed bright patches to filter onto the green fields of Moshi and we commented on how fortunate we were. We being; Andy (driving); Susie (in front passage seat); Grace (in the bumper seat to my left; Rosie (in the child’s car seat to my right); and me (squished in the middle with no arm or leg room). Suddenly everything changed.

Well not everything; the sky remained white with blue patches and the grass remained green and luscious but our focus was whisked away. Susie received a phone call informing us their house was on fire.

Moshi is not remotely near Iringa, where they live. We were miles and miles away. Soon we found out, due to a supposed electrical fault, their study had caught alight followed by their snug and the roof. The damage is extensive but not everything has been burnt – thank God!!! However, they will not be able to return to their home again and as they were due to leave for the UK at the end of December- they will not be able to live there ever again. They have lost some important memorabilia as well as the normality of life here. We have no idea what will happen tomorrow; where we will be – either Iringa or Dar let alone any long term plans.

All this makes me want to scream – this isn’t fair!! Because it’s not. Naturally I want to ask God why this happened but I know God has a plan. I don’t believe the house burning down was caused by God but I do believe He will work it for His glory. God is big enough to deal with my screaming and being upset but am I able to cope with an answer?

It suddenly changes our perspective on everything, partly because everything is unknown and partly because it is such a huge thing to happen.

How did this family react? They cried, they talked, they prayed and they did what we are told to do in the bible; praised God in every situation. Christian songs were blasted from the car stereo and as tears streamed and beautiful countryside passed us we sang lyrics which declared God to have our lives and re-affirmed we wanted to live them for Him.

Wow! I had a lot of respect for this family before but I most certainly do now! Could we all do the same thing? It doesn’t mean they wont ask questions, struggle with their relationship with God later and ask why the whole time but in that particular moment they were giving praise to God at all times (Philippians 4:4), as Paul calls the Philippians to do. Paul doesn’t ask them, or us, to only do it when things are good but at every point in our lives. The Philippians were struggling with worldly things when Paul writes this to them. What is more, Paul himself has been through some awful experiences for his faith – he tells us this in Philippians 3.

This is a defining moment which will continue to challenge us all over the coming months and has changed our little course of history for the rest of our lives. Please pray for the family during this time; it is for them my heart breaks.

Much love and blessings, Deborah ><>

A paradigm shift?

The shadows of missionaries linger as we remain at the centre where we have had the conference this week.

The conference finished officially on Friday night and the majority of missionaries flew or drove home early Saturday morning. There are a ‘core’ group of us who remain.

I feel as the shadows of those I have met linger so does the fellowship, laughter, stories and teaching. It is strange to meet and intensely share five days with a group of people and then part, knowing you may never cross paths again – till heaven at least.

As I absorb and reflect I try to move on while staying put. It feels like a paradigm shift.

Today we went to the cinema which was an incredible treat! Yet when we walked out of a cinemax cinema with plush chairs and aircon we walked into a bust Nairobi complex, where beggars asked you for money when going to the car. It was most odd. I guess I had a mini culture shock either way.

One of the things which happened on the conference was groups were sent out to seed projects, although sometimes not referred to as projects as that suggests they get funding in Africa and they don’t. One woman I made friends with told me they had driven from a luxurious area straight into a slum. It had shocked her; the two extremes living on each other’s doorsteps. I couldn’t imagine how I would have dealt with that...the next day I did.

We took the seven children we had in the children’s stuff to an animal orphanage. We enjoyed seeing many animals who had been orphaned and looked after. However, the whole time we were the greatest attraction for the Kenyan school children who had never seen Muzungu’s before. I empathise with those animals a little. I think it was quite hard for the kids, I tried to shield them as much as possible.

After a long but fun day we got in our dalla-dalla to take us back and the driver took us on a ‘short-cut’, you need it in Nairobi traffic. It turned out this track, for it wasn’t a road, took us through the slums. I was surprised at the kids reaction. They live in Tanzania; lots of different areas of Tanzania but still. They were fascinated by the slums, one saying “I think they are worse in India though because they don’t have toilets there.” To which I responded, neither do these people.” Surprise I was asked where they went to the toilet then. How do you explain that to 11 year olds and younger...”well, you see all that mud...and the odd areas between houses.” They got my point. However, they we shocked! Then we drove straight into luxury; my turn to deal with a paradigm shift.

How do you process that? I’m not sure I ever will as it is total injustice but I can’t change everything in the world, I can only allow God to do the best with me where I am at any given time. I pray He does. Also, Africa is moving in western ways while being in a mix of English history with other things. Some things still feel like something from the 18th century, others the 1960’s etc. I have been questioning if this is wrong, has the west had too much of an impact? But I think we were ‘brought into civilisation’ by the Romans and other groups so was that wrong? I think what concerns me is: are we influencing in the right way? I am not sure. For a city to have a shopping mall but many who have no access to water because the systems are not good is a little crazy in my opinion. Let’s hope and pray things move the right way.

Anyway, I’m not sure that amounts to much of a blog but I feel a little lost at the moment and tired after a crazy but wonderfully blessed week.

Please pray God continues to speak to me in this adventure and for all those missionaries returning ‘home’.

As always let me know of anything I can pray for you about.

Love and blessings Deborah ><>

'I have called You by name and You are Mine...' Isaiah 43:1

Hi there!

Here I am at the CMS Africa conference in Nairobi for a week. It is day three and already I am exhausted!! We have a packed schedule for the children and the adults are not exempt from having a hefty timetable; if they would like. By 9pm yesterday evening I was ready to burst into tears; this job is demanding! Yet we are having great fun.

I am not sure what it is God wants to teach me from being here but He made clear through a couple of songs yesterday that here is exactly where He has planned for me to be.

As I meet mission partners based across Africa I am overwhelmed by the way God uses each of our gifts for His glory. Literally there is someone doing something from youth/children’s work to administration, talking subject we don’t want to deal with in the UK because we feel uncomfortable such as FGM (Female Genital Mutilation), midwifery, doctors and crafts projects for disabled people. I’m not sure there is a profession not represented by 50+ missionaries here. It is amazing to hear their stories, to share in where they are, how long they have been there and are planning to stay there and where they regard as ‘home’ now. Some are families, some are couples, some are single and all at different stages of life. Yet they are all completely normal, well some are a little nutty ;-) but only the best ones.

The thing which has struck me is yes they are all normal but they are people who have said ‘Yes’ to God’s call. At the end of the day that is all we are asked to do. Jesus calls us to take up our cross daily and follow Him. This is an active image of saying ‘yes’ to God’s will in our lives daily.

What are you called to do? Are you doing it?

This is something which is really on my heart and mind while I am here. I believe I have been called to do this, that’s why I am here. It takes a lot to accept God’s call and it certainly pushes you beyond your limits to show you what He can do and what He is willing to answer; for me it includes the little things like; God I really don’t want a cold shower this morning I’m too tired and grumpy to deal with it. But staying in His will and following His calling is certainly better than stepping outside of it I have found! So what is God’s calling on my life?

I have always wanted to teach but that doesn’t make it God’s will that can make it entirely my own. So should I follow that? Or should I pursue entirely what I feel God is calling me to even if I have no idea what the timing might be? It’s a difficult one. It is certainly not a topic I feel comfortable discussing right now but it is making me think and talk to God about it so watch this space...
Meanwhile, I shall endeavour to enjoy the remainder of my few days here in Nairobi and experience the breathtaking sights as we travel back through Tanzania – the view of Kilimanjaro as we drove north was incredible! Sitting at the border for an hour and a half was another experience entirely.

Thank you for your prayers; they mean such a lot!! Please know I am praying for you and miss you all.

Love and Blessings, Deborah ><>

'Doth a fountain send forth at the same place sweet water and bitter?' Jame 3:11 (KJB)

Hi,

Life is certainly bitter sweet here!

I have just spent the last couple of days with a friend in Dar es Salam. She has sadly left and returned home to Australia now as her three month excursion is now at an end. However, we tried to make her last couple of days as special as possible.

We could have decided to splash out and spend our couple of days in Muzungu luxury and i must confess i was tempted but instead we bunked with a couple of the girls whose host family had looked after my friend while she was in Iringa. This was an interesting experience. While the girls were lovely, Christian and great hostesses i had a great shock when on the first night not only did we not have a shower i didn't have a hot bucket of water to wash with either! Dar is incredibly hot and humid so we were STICKY!!! After telling myself to 'man up' and bare it I realised i had forgotten shampoo and clean underwear - what a nightmare! The bitter part was starting to sting. It was not what i wanted to face after a 9 hour bus journey to a very busy city. Then just to rub it in; we had no electricity. I tell you what when you literally have to pray about every little prospect in your life it stretches your prayer muscles.

After an incredibly restless sticky night, accompanied from 6am onwards by load noises and the smell of charcoal i felt quite negative about the day ahead but decided to give it to God. To which He told me the Irks and Burdens in life were a means of showing me His plan and purpose. I should look at them as opportunities, se God's hand in all things and give Joy. Instantly i started to sing, i can't remember which song but i felt my mood lighten. At that moment God answered a plea of my heart; that i could join the Harts in going to the CMS conference in Nairobi this week! God had certainly come through for me; yet again!

What followed was a day of fun and adventure. We went to a beach called Pococo. It had white sand which beautifully reflected the bright blue sea and sky! It was perfect. We watched fishermen catch fish and after about an hours walk, a quick drink and walk back we ate freshly caught fish and chips on the beach; it felt oddly English. Yet at the same time we were eating a fish with its head and tail still attached and pealed it from the bone. No batter in sight. Bitter-sweet.

After our amazing time at the beach the girls wanted to show us their highlight; the supermarket which is in a shopping mall. We tried to explain we have these everywhere at home but they were so proud. We took a bajaji and walked along a very hot dual carriageway to this shopping mall. It had some names we recognised and a cinema. Right at the other end was this supermarket. As my friend and I were cooking the girls a western meal that night we bought the ingredients and decided to buy each an ice-cream too; which was very melted but enjoyable. I also decided to check out the toilets which were very western. During which the power cut out twice; bitter-sweet.

After a long hot but fun day Amanda (my friend and I) tried to cook toasted cheese and tomato sandwiches over a coal stove and made homemade coleslaw. The coleslaw was fine; the toasties a nightmare! They either burnt or didn’t cook at all. After an hour and a half we got there- just! And they said they liked them. Pudding was much easier; melted chocolate over banana – yum! Bitter-sweet.

After a worse night than the one previous; if I didn’t think that was possible I was wrong! We got a bajaji and a dalla-dalla and the girls took us to their university. If I thought that would be boring I was wrong! Again it required walking in heat but when we arrived we were the only white people in the building. The girls proudly showed us their lecture theatres and seminar rooms; very like those at home just more plain. They were delighted when we told them that. The queue for admissions was inspiring. Later Amanda and I commented that we would never show anyone where we went to university, perhaps while we were there but not now. Yet here were two girls who loved to show us where they were educated.

We took a walk past the presidents house; i.e. their white house. Then got on a very busy ferry, which coast all of 4p each! 5 mins later we were on the other side and took a taxi to south beach. Here each beach has a resort attached which means you have to pay something but it goes towards any food or drink you order and you can use the toilets, benches and, as we found, showers on a beautiful, clean, white beach with blue sea and sky. To make it the perfect environment it was surrounded by palm trees. Amanda and I wasted no time in getting into the sea and having a swim before eating some lunch and reading in the sun. We were worried the girls wouldn’t cope with a muzungu esk holiday but they loved it. They got a volley ball and played for hours. They would never have experienced anything like that and neither had we. At the end of a beautiful day Amanda and I enjoyed a shower, cold but a shower! And we watched the sun-set, while being eaten alive by mossies – bitter-sweet.

I have to say I was starting to panic at being out at night when we have been told not to but the girls seemed to think it was ok. Sure enough the boat was crammed with people and the dalla-dalla afterwards. I was surprised Dar’s night life was quite so manic but wasn’t fazed at all by it when we were in the midst of the chaos. Back at home we packed and ate before saying goodnight. Amanda and I chilled for a little while before I dozed off, hot and sticky once again. Bitter-sweet.

3.30am the next morning I gave Amanda a tentative hug (we were both sunburnt) as she headed off to the airport. I will miss her. Three hours later I came back to full consciousness after, yet another bad night, and faced an unknown day of travel. I was to get a bus to chulinsie and sit and wait for Andy and Susie. One of my host girls cooked me omelette and I grabbed the opportunity to have banana and peanut butter again for breakfast. As I contemplated that they had no running water and rarely had electricity, only had a bed and a wardrobe in each bedroom and yet had two huge sofas and an arm chair, a t.v. and speakers in the lounge it seems to me that it is not just I who has an entirely bazaar existence here. Bitter-sweet?

Thankfully my host got me on the right bus and by the Grace of God I was only waiting 20 mins when Andy and Susie found me. They were as relieved as I. Further down the road we met our co-car and I had a changeover of cars; definitely the better option. I got to know the other missionaries a bit better and it turned out the other car had problems, they were delayed by about an hour. All the while we trundled on through picture perfect African landscape and arrived in time to chill a bit before everyone else descended. I was surprised to find I was sharing a room with Rosie and Grace but it has turned out ok. I slept much better and we have a shower. Yes it was supposed to be hot and I had a cold one but it was a shower and I have been able to properly wash my hair for the first time in 5 days. Bitter-sweet?

We have been stuck here all day while the car has been fixed. However, I have seen Mount Kilimanjaro from the ground now as well as the air, been swimming in an outdoor pool, eaten ice-cream and Chinese. Perhaps a bitter-sweet day?

So what is God teaching me through all this? He is good. We all face things we find difficult but with every bitter edge there is a sweet side even if it doesn’t look like it. Ever bitten a lemon? It is immediately sour and as soon as you pull your mouth away you shiver but it tastes sweet in your mouth. This is like life. It is more extreme here I am sure but it is good for all of us to see how far we can be pushed before we crumble and sometimes we need to crumble to totally rely on God; this is a hard lesson to learn.

Please keep praying for me as I try to discern what God is telling me and learn as much as possible from my daily adventures here.

Please let me know if I can pray for you in anyway; please know you are all on my heart and mind anyway and I daily lift you in prayer to Him. Please share your side of the adventure with me.

Love and blessings, Deborah ><>

‘I tell you the truth anyone who does not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will not enter it.’ (Mark 10:15)

I wonder how many of you like to play on swings? Run and jump into a big pool of water? Paint with your hands? Sing and dance freely?...secretly?

I sat on a tyre swing in glorious Tanzanian sunshine ‘working’ on Saturday afternoon. There are very few parks or play areas in Tanzania so the little girl I work with loves them whenever she can. Now I have to say it was really taxing to have to play with her on the slide, swings, help her jump from one tree stump to another in a circle, hold her as she swung across monkey bars and climbed carved thin tree stumps – I am being sarcastic! As I had been ordered to swing on the tyre swing next to her (these were no normal tyre swings they were AMAZING normally I can’t stay in one but these had been hollowed out) I realised I love being child like. I enjoy playing and being silly. I love being on swings and sliding down slides. It made me think; is it just me?

Jesus says to bring all the little children to Him (Matt 19:13) and then calls us to be like children. I wonder how many of us actually allow ourselves to do this? Are we secure enough in ourselves to not care what others think and jump in and enjoy life? Honestly, I am not. I care a lot what others think. The thing is you gain no respect from children if you are not willing to join in with them. This requires you to get dirty, look stupid sometimes and not care what the adults around you think. A few months ago I walked into the nursery I was working in and the children decided to cover me in stickers. These were Christmas stickers, despite it being June. I let them. 38 (yes I counted them) stickers later I looked impressive. Like a massive Christmas card. I spent the whole day like that. Why? Because those kids laughed and laughed and what did it really matter? At other times I have danced to children’s music and the little girl I work with now loves pulling silly faces so if that’s what it takes that is what I will do to cheer her up. Do I care? Yes! Of course I care but the question is should I?

God has been encouraging me for a while to be child-like. He has called us to enjoy life and live it to the full. Are we? That doesn’t always mean being serious, sometimes it means sitting on a swing and enjoying the freedom. Sometimes it means dancing and looking silly. God wants us to come to him as children. Now I may have a great excuse at times but what I really want is to be able to continue even when the children I work with are not around. Fancy joining me? Perhaps this is more of a warning for any of you when you are around me in future... ;-)

Thank you for all your prayers and encouragement, you are in my thoughts and prayers. How I love being part of the body of Christ!

Please let me know of any prayer requests you have.

Love and blessings,

Debbie ><>

‘...think of yourself with sober judgement, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you.’ (Romans 12: 3)

If I thought this would be an easy adventure I was wrong. However, I am reminded as I write this that there are daily challenges and uncomfortable aspects of living everywhere. Some challenge us more than others. Today I participated in a must activity; all of you should try it. I washed my clothes by hand. Can I just admit that I was never expecting it to be as hard work or gruelling as I found it. For a person who already suffers with a bad back I found it agony, having said that I also found it truly humbling, as I am finding every experience here. I am already looking forward to the pleasures of using a washing machine when I return to the UK at Christmas.

I have limited clothing and therefore can not change outfits as often as I would if I were living and working at home. I am already looking forward to the pleasure of new work clothes when I return to the UK though. I also am facing the humility of washing from a bucket and not having an upright shower, something I am praying will change soon.

I am experiencing food I would not naturally choose to eat on a daily basis. Some which I like and will definitely try to incorporate into life when I return, others I struggled to consume enough off as to not cause offence.

Through all this God is showing me the person He has created me to be. One element of my personality is I am determined. This is something we can see as a negative thing in English society, I believe. However, I have found this to be an asset. It means I will push myself to achieve things I believe to be worth it but also I will preserver to prove a point. When you work with SEN (Special Educational Needs) children you have to be pretty determined because they are and if you believe what you are doing is going to be an asset to them and are not determined you are letting them, their parents, other family members and work colleagues down. I am also a fine detail person. Something the teacher I am working alongside was laughing at yesterday as I was finishing a poster off for her, by hand as we had electricity. She admitted it wasn’t a bad thing it just made her laugh. It is true I am a fine detail person in so many areas of life. It means that I am always taking on way more information than other people but at the same time I am retaining information which is important to people which others would forget. This can be a negative because I can get so caught up in the small things that I forget to look at God’s bigger picture but I trust He will keep re-aligning my thought process.

These are just some of the trails this adventure is bringing to light. Let’s see what else God has in store.

Thanks for your prayers and love, knowing I am receiving these is what keeps me going and God reminds me off it daily.

Please let me know any prayer requests, believe me you are even more so on my heart and mind now than ever,

Love Debbie ><>

‘Go into all the world’ Mark 16:15.

I am here!! In fact I have been here for a week and a half. I can’t believe it.

I have been at school with the little girl I am supporting for the last week. Things seem to be going well and I feel we are making good progress already. I have gone in in my true hard handed style and decided she will not come in for break when she wants to but when everyone else does, i.e. when the bell goes. So on Monday I employed a ‘if you don’t come in when Debbie says, i.e. when the bell goes’ tactic then a) I’ll ignore you and b) you will get a time out. Two time outs two days running and the following two days we have had no time outs. The problem is that it takes the other children in her class longer than us now to come back to class. Still, it is good practice for when she returns to England in January.

We are in a class of 5 children. Sounds ideal right? Wrong! You should meet our kids. They have such an attention seeking attitude, which probably isn’t helped by the fact they can gain one-on-one attention from the teacher, and me. They will have to learn, never-the-less I wonder whether they would learn faster if there were more children in the class. I never thought small class sizes could be a problem. I have been proven wrong! Although, the nosie in the class is considerably smaller than that of those I teach in the UK that is for sure. Also, I recon being in separate buildings and not needing corridors between classrooms probably helps too as it means the noise of other classes is more confined. The downside probably is that you feel more separated from the other classes, having said that you can find that in English schools too.

The school doesn’t have a hall. Assembly takes place near the staffroom, which is more like a small corridor with a couple of small tables holding a computer and the microwave/hot drinks selection. At one end is a small sink area. There is hardly any sitting space because everyone has breaks at different points and mostly sit in the outside area, which is covered but staff like to sit on the wall. It is this raised area which is used as a stage on a Monday morning for weekly assembly. Assembly is led by one of the classes and takes a rotation every 6 weeks or so. Parents are welcome to join if they wish.

There are similarities to how the school is run in comparison to English schools, at the same time there is that un-written chilled out African attitude which says ‘we will understand if you are slightly late’. Still there is an understanding of Western principals because it is an international school. There are certain protocols which you would have to adhere to in English schools which are also followed here, such as obtaining permission for each child to have their photo taken when in school. Also staff are expected to arrive in time to greet pupils and parents, if necessary.

The children do not line up to come into class, however as they move between classrooms or at the end of the day they do. Also, there are guards and, as in the UK, children can only leave school premises accompanied by an adult known to the school.

Other than school my life here in Tanzania has been somewhat limited so far. So much time is required focusing on the child I am supporting both in school and out, until her parents are available. Throw in a couple of unexpected afternoons at party’s for school friends and after school play-dates and you have lost more time than you realise just being around other muzungu’s. However, m understanding of different cultures and countries is definitely improving as I get to know a real mix of people from the school. Dutch, finish, Itallian, south African, Austrailian, American, etc. The list is endless, then there are the Tanzanian, arabs etc too.

Although based on the Cambridge IBS, the school holds mostly American teachers, and therefore I am accumulating a lot of Americanisms such as; principal, Eraser, etc.

I would like to say that they are lovely teachers and have been so welcoming and inclusive of me. We all went ‘hiking’ last Saturday which was more like rock climbing than actual hiking. We were out for 4 hours in African heat and none of us thought to sun cream our necks; we are all pealing now :-s It was hard work but well worth the attempt, although I am not convinced how great it was in a skirt but as that was what I was told to bring I followed instructions; I am not sure I would recommend doing that again!

Another fable I can dismiss is that you don’t get colds in Africa – I can prove this wrong as I sit harbouring a cold and sniffling!! This has added to my finding it hard to adapt to life here. I have cried many a tear already and am missing people I love at home. You are all very much on my heart and in my mind. I pray for you all daily and know although I do not know the exact details of what your life entails God does and even if I was with you I could not improve things from what they are. I know God is in control and is protecting me as well as you- sniffles (in any variety or not).

I am so blessed to have a wonderful adopted family over here. Susie is taking particular care of me and I know God has brought us together for a greater purpose.

So let’s see what the next part of the adventure holds.

How do you deal with Disappointment?

Anger? Tears? Frustration? Running away?

Depression? Faith? Perserverance?

Trust? A Smile?

Encouragement? Forgiveness?

This is a subject i have had to face today. Consequently i have had to face many of the possible reactions listed above. Some have been easier to embrace while others have presented a challenge. I naturally wanted to and have cried, felt frustrated, depressed and wanted to run away from God. Thankfully God has pulled me back into His embrace and through His strength has helped me to; encourage others who were involved in this situation, whether i wanted to or not, to have faith things will sort themselves out, therefore trusting His timing and smile in the knowledge that at least i have learnt something.

However, there has been anger expressed by those i love on my behalf and i am finding it very difficult to forgive those who have caused what was a massive amount of stress, life re-organisation, disappointment and uncertainty.

I realise most of this doesn't make sense unless i explain the situation. Therefore sit back and imagine...

I have packed three suitcases. Two full of resources. Weighed these cases so they are under the required weight limit, yet held everything i could possibly transport. Spent weeks preparing and collecting the items i would need for three months abroad. Had the correct pieces of paperwork ensuring i could check-in at Heathrow Terminal 5 and for passing through borders. Everything is meticulously in order. My mother and Father and I arrive at a clinically clean airport. Try to check-in but are unsuccessful. Unable to spot a member of staff who might be able to help I go to stand in a queue for reservations. My mother then beckons me over to say there is a member of staff who can help. Standing talking to him we pick a seat and process everything through till, i see a cloud covering his face. He turns, concern in his dark brown eyes and asks who i booked my ticket with and i explain. I have a missionary ticket booked through a Christian missionary organisation. To which he tells me i need to get in touch with them and while doing so go back and stand in that que i was in before. Panicking i realise i didn't print their numbers off from the e-mail which was sent to me.

Thank God for internet access on mobile phones these days. A joint effort between my dad and i means i phone the uk branch. Explaining the situation i am informed this is an issue which can't be dealt with with this branch and rather needs referred to another uk branch. This results in a very frustrating conversation with a man at the other uk branch who repeatedly tells me there is nothing they can do to rectify the situation, not what you want to hear when you are standing at the airport! Eventually he speaks to another member of staff who needs to get in touch with the branch in Tanzania because they booked the tickets and have an arrangement with British Airways in Dar Es Salaam.

After two conversations and 45 mins i have a new member of staff on the phone. They have finally found out my travel information and it turns out BA have not received payment and that is why the ticket has not been released. As an addition to this i am informed by the BA rep who is dealing with me that i can only check in one bag if we get it sorted anyway. The rep on the phone tells me she has to ensure she can pay for the ticket by getting in touch with the head of the Tanzanian branch, and she needs to talk to the BA rep i am with because the BA office is not open now in Dar Es Salaam.

The missionary organisation then try to trace my payment to their organisation and obtain confirmation that they can pay both for the excess baggage and my flight. However, BA can not take payment via credit card over the phone and I am advised by BA not to pay the extra myself. This is advice both the lady on the end of the phone understands and i decide to follow. She instead desperately trys to process the payment online....to no avail.

A total of four hours later; i am unable to board the flight. My parents are angry and frustrated. We have all been praying for hours with complete faith and nothing. Not only did it not get better but it got worse and worse.

Driving back along the M25 i can't help but think what i would have been doing had i been able to board that plane. How in no way had i considered an option might be the experience i am currently having.

The saying goes; you never know what is round the next corner and you don't. I know it is God's plan to get me to Tanzania therefore on Monday night i should be on a flight, providing it's God's will that i get on that flight. I can't help but be scared now that i might be disappointed again. However, as i write this i realise at no point did i ask for what God might want but rather how i wanted things to go. I never considered that perhaps God wants to teach me things through the process of getting to Tanzania as well as what i might experience when i am there. Not least what He might still have planned for me to do before i leave.

Either way, I am now aware of things i was not before and have delt with more emotions than i would care to any time soon. And i am still finding it hard to forgive but know i can 'do all things through christ who strengthens me.' So i am sure i will be able to on day.

Meanwhile i am trying to put my trust in God and re-focus on Him, as we are told to run the race focused on Him. So head up, three...two...one *BANG*......

'Trust in the LORD with all your heart lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths.' Prov 3:5-6

Wow eight months have passed since i wrote my last blog. Why? Well honestly i guess i felt i had nothing to share of any relevance. Surely only exciting blogs should be kept? What I failed to recognise is that to share an adventure you have to first of all share. For this i am sorry. However, as i mentioned in a previous post, i am on a bridge between one part of my adventure story and another. This summer has been far shorter than previous have been, as i have been working for most of it.

This does not bother me as much as i thought it might because a) I knew God's hand was on it and b) what was coming next.

On the 15th of September i fly to Tanzania! Not for a little holiday, although I'm sure it will be beautiful, but for 3 months working over there. I am going to join a wonderful missionary couple and work with their youngest child at the school she attends. The Hart family have been in Iringa in Tanzania for years. Andy went as a CMS (Christian Missionary Society) vet and Susie his wife went with a vision; to enable disabled Africans to earn a living. In Africa disabled people are completely ostracized from society; parents do not allow knowledge of their existence because of the negative affect it will have on the family, the subject is completely taboo and they certainly can not earn a living. However, in Iringa they now can. Susie has establish Neema crafts, an organisation which allows disabled people to earn a living. To find out more about their work look at: http://http://www.neemacrafts.com/. As it is the Harts youngest daughter, they have two, has Down Syndrome. Therefore, when attending school she needs support. This is where I fit in. After a lot of prayer I felt God telling me this was the right step to take next and as the family are returning to the UK permanently in January it is the only time I could take this opportunity.

So, I am asking you to join me in this adventure. I am not sure what the next three months are going to look like, however do any of us? I am asking you to pray for me.

As always, i ask you to inform me of anything happening in your lives and to ask for prayer. Thank you for supporting me so far and i look forward to what will come next; for us all!

Blessings,

Deborah <><

Fancy a cup of coffee and a chat?

If any of you reading this know me you will be aware that i am a fan of coffee. Yes, i have my favourite Starbucks concoction, and a concoction it is - if ever you buy a coffee with me you will know what i mean!! Not only that but i know precisely my order in Cafe Nero and love that i can alter it slightly (depending on my mood) in Costa.

York is full of coffee shops and tea rooms; everything from the major brands to quirky hideouts. From the famous Betty's to the little known snugs. I was pondering yesterday why it was that God had brought me to York, perhaps it was simply so i could enjoy a variety of beverage providing facilities? Quite possibly not! However, i have had the privilege of meeting with several friends and enjoying these delights. It is a rather expensive hobby of mine but a shear delight! In these moments of meeting and chatting you are away from the humdrum of home life. If it is a good friend you can share the highs and lows of life, catching up and asking advice, challenge and yet not feel like you are intruding. This kind of friend knows when you are having a bad day and need a hug. A friend like this can share what is troubling them and what gives them joy. What I have found over the years is that God is a friend just like that.

We presume that God likes to keep a distance and doesn't want to hear about the small things happening in our lives. After all, God is God and He already knows everything, in fact he knows us better than we know ourselves, so why should we tell Him? The answer is; because He cares and wants and personal relationship with us. I think this is incredible! Sometimes we can think that we need to get down on our knees to pray but actually all we need to do is grab a coffee or a cup of tea, sit back and chat. It might sound odd at first, it might feel strange but ask God to come and sit with you (as you would a friend in a coffee shop) and chat to Him about whatever is happening. I love sitting and talking to God in this way. I have to admit though i have never actually done it in a coffee shop - that might look a little too odd for comfort.

Thanks for walking the adventure with me and Happy New Year if i haven't said it to you already!!