Anger? Tears? Frustration? Running away?
Depression? Faith? Perserverance?
Trust? A Smile?
Encouragement? Forgiveness?
This is a subject i have had to face today. Consequently i have had to face many of the possible reactions listed above. Some have been easier to embrace while others have presented a challenge. I naturally wanted to and have cried, felt frustrated, depressed and wanted to run away from God. Thankfully God has pulled me back into His embrace and through His strength has helped me to; encourage others who were involved in this situation, whether i wanted to or not, to have faith things will sort themselves out, therefore trusting His timing and smile in the knowledge that at least i have learnt something.
However, there has been anger expressed by those i love on my behalf and i am finding it very difficult to forgive those who have caused what was a massive amount of stress, life re-organisation, disappointment and uncertainty.
I realise most of this doesn't make sense unless i explain the situation. Therefore sit back and imagine...
I have packed three suitcases. Two full of resources. Weighed these cases so they are under the required weight limit, yet held everything i could possibly transport. Spent weeks preparing and collecting the items i would need for three months abroad. Had the correct pieces of paperwork ensuring i could check-in at Heathrow Terminal 5 and for passing through borders. Everything is meticulously in order. My mother and Father and I arrive at a clinically clean airport. Try to check-in but are unsuccessful. Unable to spot a member of staff who might be able to help I go to stand in a queue for reservations. My mother then beckons me over to say there is a member of staff who can help. Standing talking to him we pick a seat and process everything through till, i see a cloud covering his face. He turns, concern in his dark brown eyes and asks who i booked my ticket with and i explain. I have a missionary ticket booked through a Christian missionary organisation. To which he tells me i need to get in touch with them and while doing so go back and stand in that que i was in before. Panicking i realise i didn't print their numbers off from the e-mail which was sent to me.
Thank God for internet access on mobile phones these days. A joint effort between my dad and i means i phone the uk branch. Explaining the situation i am informed this is an issue which can't be dealt with with this branch and rather needs referred to another uk branch. This results in a very frustrating conversation with a man at the other uk branch who repeatedly tells me there is nothing they can do to rectify the situation, not what you want to hear when you are standing at the airport! Eventually he speaks to another member of staff who needs to get in touch with the branch in Tanzania because they booked the tickets and have an arrangement with British Airways in Dar Es Salaam.
After two conversations and 45 mins i have a new member of staff on the phone. They have finally found out my travel information and it turns out BA have not received payment and that is why the ticket has not been released. As an addition to this i am informed by the BA rep who is dealing with me that i can only check in one bag if we get it sorted anyway. The rep on the phone tells me she has to ensure she can pay for the ticket by getting in touch with the head of the Tanzanian branch, and she needs to talk to the BA rep i am with because the BA office is not open now in Dar Es Salaam.
The missionary organisation then try to trace my payment to their organisation and obtain confirmation that they can pay both for the excess baggage and my flight. However, BA can not take payment via credit card over the phone and I am advised by BA not to pay the extra myself. This is advice both the lady on the end of the phone understands and i decide to follow. She instead desperately trys to process the payment online....to no avail.
A total of four hours later; i am unable to board the flight. My parents are angry and frustrated. We have all been praying for hours with complete faith and nothing. Not only did it not get better but it got worse and worse.
Driving back along the M25 i can't help but think what i would have been doing had i been able to board that plane. How in no way had i considered an option might be the experience i am currently having.
The saying goes; you never know what is round the next corner and you don't. I know it is God's plan to get me to Tanzania therefore on Monday night i should be on a flight, providing it's God's will that i get on that flight. I can't help but be scared now that i might be disappointed again. However, as i write this i realise at no point did i ask for what God might want but rather how i wanted things to go. I never considered that perhaps God wants to teach me things through the process of getting to Tanzania as well as what i might experience when i am there. Not least what He might still have planned for me to do before i leave.
Either way, I am now aware of things i was not before and have delt with more emotions than i would care to any time soon. And i am still finding it hard to forgive but know i can 'do all things through christ who strengthens me.' So i am sure i will be able to on day.
Meanwhile i am trying to put my trust in God and re-focus on Him, as we are told to run the race focused on Him. So head up, three...two...one *BANG*......
