‘For such a time as this.’ Esther 4:14

Have you ever experienced a day when you thought ‘this is it: I feel fulfilled, content and invigorated’?

That is how I have felt nearly every day this week which is incredible!! Why? I am not entirely sure but I have a suspicion it is nothing to do with me and more to do with my best friend and Lord of the universe.

Firstly, let me make the point that it is not that it has been an easy week or that every day I haven’t faced challenges – particularly in the form of living in African culture. Let me paint you a part of the picture which my week has included;

Every day I have woken and faced the question of how I slept; I have had less than a week’s worth of good sleep since I arrive in Tanzania – not good when you’ve been here 2 months – yep that is right months! I wondered what it would feel like to be at this point; now I am facing it.

Every day I have started work at 8am and finished no later than 2pm. Then I have either gone to Neema for lunch and a chill out before doing something Katy and Ben (the new managers at Neema) have needed me to do- I was on stock room organising and clearing this week; not exactly the most glamorous job I can tell you. Then I have wandered home or seen friends.

Every day I have been approached by Africans either declaring their love for me in Kiswahili (great for the ego if it didn’t freak me out so much), or telling me I am beautiful and trying to touch either my skin or hair or both. Another encounter included being asked if I worked at the international school and would I pass on a letter to a friend of hers who went there – 15 year olds eh?!

At school; I have had money stolen out of my purse from in my classroom (for the 4th time), I have helped teach our 5 P1’s because their teacher has been on a conference this week – frustrating at times I can tell you.

All these things have been tainted by blessings beyond anything I could ask or imagine; seeing a chameleon at school and the children’s reaction (e.g. naming it Steve with squeals of joy); teaching outside; meeting the audiologist who visits twice a year and learning how to make ear-moulds by hand for hearing aids then talking about deaf culture; conversations with friends and times of sharing; time with God being challenged and fed.

I must confess my first instinct was to say that things felt right because they were finally going in a way I was comfortable with; I had a routine and was doing what I had thought I would be doing all along.

Let’s face it we all know life is hard and full of challenges but this week I believe has felt ‘right’, I believe, because every day I have placed the day before me in God’s hands. Not because I am ‘religious’ or a ‘good Christian’, in fact lately I have felt so far from either of those statements being true, but because I know I literally cannot face the day without God. And Him being faithful has provided abundantly daily.

Another thing I want to point out is this feeling ‘right’ has come with sacrifice. It is only when I gave up everything and acknowledged that nothing I have is mine; not money, not strength; not knowledge; not love; not my body- NOTHING!! That I had a peace and joy beyond all understanding in everything. I believe that is how God works. He requires our all and in return, with our hands open, He fills to overflowing.

I chose the bible passage ‘for such a time as this’ because I have come to accept that is why God has called me here. Just as Esther was called to be queen ‘for such a time as this’, I have been called to Tanzania, to Iringa ‘for such a time as this’. Don’t know why, perhaps I never will, but it strikes me that nothing about Esther’s reign is recorded after that point. She took a step of faith and trusted God. I am sure that made an impact on the rest of her life as well as the Jew’s but we don’t find out how. We also don’t find out why she was chosen by God all we do know is that she said Yes to God.

So whatever the reason, whatever the plan, I am saying yes to God and asking as my brothers and sisters in Christ you stand as witnesses with me in this.

Thank you for continuing this adventure with me. Let me join you in your adventure; please continue to ask for prayers. I have certainly been reminded this week that sometimes we need other members of the body of Christ to hear on our behalf.

Love and blessings, Deborah ><>

"Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head." Matt 8:20

Burnt earth and countryside imposes itself upon us as we drive through Tanzania. Here the people burn the surrounding hills before replanting. The problem with this ‘purification’ of the land is that it doesn’t work and it has a negative effect on the environment.

“I hate fire.” mutters the ten year old next to me as we drive through this destroyed environment. “It’s not good for anything.” I try to explain that it is good for warmth, cooking etc but she denies it. And I don’t blame her; why would you accept anything good from the thing which has just changed your existence and you have always known it?

This landscape is a sudden reminder of what we are driving home to face; a burnt existence, ashes remaining of a family’s life as they knew it only two weeks ago.

As we drive through the burnt rolling hills we have to exclaim “Isn’t it stunning!” And it is. The smoke rolls up off the hills and the sun shines through the smog, remaining greenery gleams in exuberant contrast to its smouldered surroundings. It is absolutely beautiful.

This all makes me wonder; what do we classify as home? Is it the physical place where our belongings are? Or where we have the most memories? Is it where our loved ones are? Or where we are placed for the time being?

Technically I guess you could argue that Iringa is my home at the moment, while I am in Tanzania. It is where I am mostly based. However, actually my home is in the UK but even there it is questionable as to where home is for me there.

Last night as I prepared to leave yet another place of residence before completing the last leg of our mini-adventure, inside this great big one I am having. I realised there was part of me dreading going back to Iringa and part of me excited about the prospect and instantly my brain acknowledged it as home. Why I am not sure but it did. It is a muddled feeling to think of it in this way, yet it feels quite peaceful.

But for the Harts will Iringa ever feel like home again? I’m not sure. We will explore this concept more over the coming weeks I feel.

In Matthew Jesus tells the disciples that foxes have homes and birds have nests but the son of man has no-where to rest our head. In Philippians 3:20 Paul tells us that heaven is our home. So is it any wonder we struggle sometimes to define a home on earth?

As an individual who has moved house many times this is an area of conversation I have with my parents regularly; do we have a home as such? In some ways no and, in others, yes. Many times we have been brought back to these bible passages.

One thing which is apparent is that there is ‘stunning’ beauty in everything- even the most burnt, blackened existences. May I be so cheesy as to say; especially when the son shines through?

Even now in the heartbreak and trauma of a burnt lost home God has provided in the most amazing and superb ways; the way only He can! Particularly in the form of good friends – I feel so blessed to have you!

As we drive towards Iringa smoke filling our eyes, so they sting, and our noses, seeing locals burning the land, I wait in trepidation for what God has in store for us now. Holding on to the promise that one day those of us who know Jesus will be home eternally. What a great day that will be!

Later we had a conversation in the car which included where home was for the Hart’s.

Thanks for your love and prayers,

As always please let me know any prayer requests you have.

Love and Blessings, Deborah ><>

'...Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning.' (Psalm 30:5)

There are certain defining moments in all of our lives aren’t there? Things which when we face them change the course of history in quite a dramatic way. They leave us shocked, bewildered and reflecting. Sometimes they come on a universal scale and affect us all at the same time, like 9-11 or the tsunami. They are words on our lips which when uttered stir an emotional response we cannot fathom, sometimes they leave us speechless. Other times these defining moments are our own person ones. In these cases others help when they can and love us but mostly we face a new future which is completely unfathomable in our own bubble. No one can really know what it is like in that exact moment in time for us.

How do we deal with this? How do we process it and as Christians how can we relate to God in these situations?

This morning these questions hurled themselves into my face in the form of a defining moment. It wasn’t my defining moment but it almost feels the same. As the white cloudy sky allowed bright patches to filter onto the green fields of Moshi and we commented on how fortunate we were. We being; Andy (driving); Susie (in front passage seat); Grace (in the bumper seat to my left; Rosie (in the child’s car seat to my right); and me (squished in the middle with no arm or leg room). Suddenly everything changed.

Well not everything; the sky remained white with blue patches and the grass remained green and luscious but our focus was whisked away. Susie received a phone call informing us their house was on fire.

Moshi is not remotely near Iringa, where they live. We were miles and miles away. Soon we found out, due to a supposed electrical fault, their study had caught alight followed by their snug and the roof. The damage is extensive but not everything has been burnt – thank God!!! However, they will not be able to return to their home again and as they were due to leave for the UK at the end of December- they will not be able to live there ever again. They have lost some important memorabilia as well as the normality of life here. We have no idea what will happen tomorrow; where we will be – either Iringa or Dar let alone any long term plans.

All this makes me want to scream – this isn’t fair!! Because it’s not. Naturally I want to ask God why this happened but I know God has a plan. I don’t believe the house burning down was caused by God but I do believe He will work it for His glory. God is big enough to deal with my screaming and being upset but am I able to cope with an answer?

It suddenly changes our perspective on everything, partly because everything is unknown and partly because it is such a huge thing to happen.

How did this family react? They cried, they talked, they prayed and they did what we are told to do in the bible; praised God in every situation. Christian songs were blasted from the car stereo and as tears streamed and beautiful countryside passed us we sang lyrics which declared God to have our lives and re-affirmed we wanted to live them for Him.

Wow! I had a lot of respect for this family before but I most certainly do now! Could we all do the same thing? It doesn’t mean they wont ask questions, struggle with their relationship with God later and ask why the whole time but in that particular moment they were giving praise to God at all times (Philippians 4:4), as Paul calls the Philippians to do. Paul doesn’t ask them, or us, to only do it when things are good but at every point in our lives. The Philippians were struggling with worldly things when Paul writes this to them. What is more, Paul himself has been through some awful experiences for his faith – he tells us this in Philippians 3.

This is a defining moment which will continue to challenge us all over the coming months and has changed our little course of history for the rest of our lives. Please pray for the family during this time; it is for them my heart breaks.

Much love and blessings, Deborah ><>

A paradigm shift?

The shadows of missionaries linger as we remain at the centre where we have had the conference this week.

The conference finished officially on Friday night and the majority of missionaries flew or drove home early Saturday morning. There are a ‘core’ group of us who remain.

I feel as the shadows of those I have met linger so does the fellowship, laughter, stories and teaching. It is strange to meet and intensely share five days with a group of people and then part, knowing you may never cross paths again – till heaven at least.

As I absorb and reflect I try to move on while staying put. It feels like a paradigm shift.

Today we went to the cinema which was an incredible treat! Yet when we walked out of a cinemax cinema with plush chairs and aircon we walked into a bust Nairobi complex, where beggars asked you for money when going to the car. It was most odd. I guess I had a mini culture shock either way.

One of the things which happened on the conference was groups were sent out to seed projects, although sometimes not referred to as projects as that suggests they get funding in Africa and they don’t. One woman I made friends with told me they had driven from a luxurious area straight into a slum. It had shocked her; the two extremes living on each other’s doorsteps. I couldn’t imagine how I would have dealt with that...the next day I did.

We took the seven children we had in the children’s stuff to an animal orphanage. We enjoyed seeing many animals who had been orphaned and looked after. However, the whole time we were the greatest attraction for the Kenyan school children who had never seen Muzungu’s before. I empathise with those animals a little. I think it was quite hard for the kids, I tried to shield them as much as possible.

After a long but fun day we got in our dalla-dalla to take us back and the driver took us on a ‘short-cut’, you need it in Nairobi traffic. It turned out this track, for it wasn’t a road, took us through the slums. I was surprised at the kids reaction. They live in Tanzania; lots of different areas of Tanzania but still. They were fascinated by the slums, one saying “I think they are worse in India though because they don’t have toilets there.” To which I responded, neither do these people.” Surprise I was asked where they went to the toilet then. How do you explain that to 11 year olds and younger...”well, you see all that mud...and the odd areas between houses.” They got my point. However, they we shocked! Then we drove straight into luxury; my turn to deal with a paradigm shift.

How do you process that? I’m not sure I ever will as it is total injustice but I can’t change everything in the world, I can only allow God to do the best with me where I am at any given time. I pray He does. Also, Africa is moving in western ways while being in a mix of English history with other things. Some things still feel like something from the 18th century, others the 1960’s etc. I have been questioning if this is wrong, has the west had too much of an impact? But I think we were ‘brought into civilisation’ by the Romans and other groups so was that wrong? I think what concerns me is: are we influencing in the right way? I am not sure. For a city to have a shopping mall but many who have no access to water because the systems are not good is a little crazy in my opinion. Let’s hope and pray things move the right way.

Anyway, I’m not sure that amounts to much of a blog but I feel a little lost at the moment and tired after a crazy but wonderfully blessed week.

Please pray God continues to speak to me in this adventure and for all those missionaries returning ‘home’.

As always let me know of anything I can pray for you about.

Love and blessings Deborah ><>

'I have called You by name and You are Mine...' Isaiah 43:1

Hi there!

Here I am at the CMS Africa conference in Nairobi for a week. It is day three and already I am exhausted!! We have a packed schedule for the children and the adults are not exempt from having a hefty timetable; if they would like. By 9pm yesterday evening I was ready to burst into tears; this job is demanding! Yet we are having great fun.

I am not sure what it is God wants to teach me from being here but He made clear through a couple of songs yesterday that here is exactly where He has planned for me to be.

As I meet mission partners based across Africa I am overwhelmed by the way God uses each of our gifts for His glory. Literally there is someone doing something from youth/children’s work to administration, talking subject we don’t want to deal with in the UK because we feel uncomfortable such as FGM (Female Genital Mutilation), midwifery, doctors and crafts projects for disabled people. I’m not sure there is a profession not represented by 50+ missionaries here. It is amazing to hear their stories, to share in where they are, how long they have been there and are planning to stay there and where they regard as ‘home’ now. Some are families, some are couples, some are single and all at different stages of life. Yet they are all completely normal, well some are a little nutty ;-) but only the best ones.

The thing which has struck me is yes they are all normal but they are people who have said ‘Yes’ to God’s call. At the end of the day that is all we are asked to do. Jesus calls us to take up our cross daily and follow Him. This is an active image of saying ‘yes’ to God’s will in our lives daily.

What are you called to do? Are you doing it?

This is something which is really on my heart and mind while I am here. I believe I have been called to do this, that’s why I am here. It takes a lot to accept God’s call and it certainly pushes you beyond your limits to show you what He can do and what He is willing to answer; for me it includes the little things like; God I really don’t want a cold shower this morning I’m too tired and grumpy to deal with it. But staying in His will and following His calling is certainly better than stepping outside of it I have found! So what is God’s calling on my life?

I have always wanted to teach but that doesn’t make it God’s will that can make it entirely my own. So should I follow that? Or should I pursue entirely what I feel God is calling me to even if I have no idea what the timing might be? It’s a difficult one. It is certainly not a topic I feel comfortable discussing right now but it is making me think and talk to God about it so watch this space...
Meanwhile, I shall endeavour to enjoy the remainder of my few days here in Nairobi and experience the breathtaking sights as we travel back through Tanzania – the view of Kilimanjaro as we drove north was incredible! Sitting at the border for an hour and a half was another experience entirely.

Thank you for your prayers; they mean such a lot!! Please know I am praying for you and miss you all.

Love and Blessings, Deborah ><>