'I have summoned you buy name and you are mine.' Isaiah 43:

Stepping out of you confort zone...again!





The wind whipps my face, rain lashes and i shiver. The sea roars and snaps at the rocks somewhere far bellow. I know there is only one way; forward...

I have come to the conclusion this week, and i appologise if i am repeating myself with this blog, that to move forward requires sacrafice and normally a painful one at that. How many of us stand on the edge of opportunities and see the horror around us and not the potential? Like standing on the edge of that cliff.





God doesn't tell us not to take risks. He doesn't tell us to bottle up our feelings and hide who we are. Let's adapt that picture a little more.....





....warmth oozed from painfilled sears on my arms and legs. A sticky thick substance flowed freely against the sharp freezing, salt fillled air, from the jagged slash on my cheak bone, stinging....





Sometimes we are injured and broken but God know's what He is doing, and although we feel there is nothing other than falling into a pit of doom, God knows what lies ahead and calls us to follow Him.





That is SCARY!!





This week i took, yet another, step of faith and it hurts saying goodbye to hopes and dreams;





...I turned, tears streaming from my eyes. The leather squeeked against my jeans as i moved. I tugged at my seatbelt and the black cab pulled away. Through the narrow mirror i could see what i was leaving behind. He stood there, smashual (smart yet cassual) in appearance. He looked great. His lingering aroma still hung on the edge of my nose. I hated saying goodbye. Memories spun through my mind. Plans we had sat and discussed for years dissapearing before me. I didn't believe it would be the last time i saw him, but right now i needed to take this journey. As i focused on what lay ahead a peace passed over me, then fear and dread, mixed in a toxic excitement. I smiled, this might be the craziest adventure i had taken yet...





Just to clarrify that was just an illustration and this whole thing has nothing to do with men at all in my life!!!





Life is scary and hard but what i believe i have learnt this week is that in order to progress and move on you have to take risks, be vulnerable and be open to paying a price higher than the one you would naturally like. Through this, God produces the most amazing adventure you could possibly have! It's not easy; it's not designed to be, but it is there to be expereinced.





Trust me! Trust me! TRUST ME! God yells and we....

well that's your choice. Daily learn to trust God in new ways, although it is not easy I know God has promised me He is shaping me. Like the sea moving the pebbles on a beach against the grains of sand and smoothing me out.

If you know a little of what i am referring to then i encourage you to keep running the race God has for you. Please share your story with me too and hold to the promises of God. This is the one He reminded me off this moning:

But now, this is what the Lord says -

He who created you, O Jacob,

He who formed you, O Israel,

"Fear not, for I have redeemed you;

I have summoned you buy name and you are mine.

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;

and when you pass through the rivers,

they will not sweep over you.

When you walk through the fire,

you will not be burned;

the flames will not set you ablaze.

For I am the Holy One of Israel, your Saviour;

I give Egypt for your ransom,

Cush and Seba in your stead.

Since you are precious and honoured in my sight,

and because I love you...

Isaiah 43: 1 - 4

Love and Blessings, Deborah ><>

'Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!' 2 cornth 5:17

Hi there,

I live in York.

I love bubble baths.

I am a special educational needs teaching assistant.

I love people surprising me with things they know I would like.

I am blonde.

I love reading.

These are all facts about me but they don’t make me who I am. They contribute to it. But it is a good thing they don’t make me who I am because who I am is changing.

At this time of year we tend to contemplate new beginnings. It is said more people decide to change eating habits, join gyms and make promises to renew their attitude towards things. I won’t ask you if you have made, kept or broken any new year’s resolutions. However, I do want to encourage you. The bible tells us every day we have the choice to embrace God’s best and fulfil His plan for our lives. When we surrender everything to God we are shaped and He promises to make us into a new creation.

This always helps and encourages me because a) I know anything I can do I need to do with His strength and help and b) actually even if I did nothing and only surrendered to God He would make us new because we had given our lives to Him.

I know that while I was at university God took me on a massive transformation process. Then I was a youth and children’s parish assistant and He again changed, developed and encouraged me. Being a special educational needs TA requires daily adaptability which God teaches me in and having been in Tanzania I know I am not the same person I was when I left. This is scary and difficult because I am not always sure how to address these changes in me. The great thing is God does. He knows He is doing things in and through me and I have to trust Him. I hate to say it but you do too.

I must also say, I hope that I do not get to the end of this year and think of myself being the same as when I started because then I believe I will not have moved forward in who God has created me to be. Do you really want to be all God wants you to be?

I think as I continue to reflect and experience the life God has called me to I will see changes. Are you willing to spend time reflecting and asking God how He sees you? Have you asked Him how He would like you to change or grow this year?

I am not sure I have done these things so I will now sit and do them myself.

As I reconsider the facts at the top of this post I can’t help but wonder whether any of them may have changed by the end of this year...

Please get in touch and thanks for reading,

Love and blessings, Deborah ><>

“...his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him...threw his arms around him and kissed him.” Luke 15:17b

Hi,

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

So the culture shock has actually set in.

I woke on Sunday morning to rain pattering off the roof and sleepy eyes. I hadn’t slept properly in days and had lost a few hours as a result of partying the night before. My instincts were to run and hide. My normal reaction when not wanting to face reality and feeling overwhelmed. Instead, I drank tea, put on clothes and went to face my dread; meeting people at church. I was scared by how people might react to having me at home.

What I was not prepared for was how I would react to being home. I had missed it far more than I had ever realised. It emphasised that I was home and that was it, no more Tanzania. What is more the one person I wanted to run up to and give a massive hug to I couldn’t and that was difficult. Then add a couple of people being completely insensitive and you meet an incredibly weepy Deborah who basically could not cope. Thank goodness God can.

I admit right here and now that I am a person who does not like to feel as though she cannot cope, or is not there for people. But I am so completely overwhelmed that I have to admit that I cannot cope at the moment and as a result I am a bit useless. Thank fully people at work have understood and not expected me to be 100%. Unlike me who believes I have no reason to be any different from normal. A dear friend told me yesterday that I need to learn to be kind to myself sometimes and she is completely right! So I am treating myself to watching some programmes, or films, a hot bath and a bit of pampering. I think I deserve that.

What has God been saying about the whole thing?

I walked into church, eventually found a seat somewhere at the back and settled down to listen to the sermon. What was the topic? The prodigal son!!! I couldn’t believe it after reading Vicky’s blog earlier in the week. The preacher spoke on how God welcomes us home and gives us hugs when He does so. Here was God pointing out I was home. Just as God pointed out 5 years ago that CPC was the right church for me, here he was pointing out that church was home. God has never left me and I know that but He did want me to know I could have a hug and relax into Him. After all, God knows how hard I am finding things where others don’t.

As if to confirm it I was listening to some Christian music with the lyrics;

And He is waiting and He is hoping,
Though His eyes are weary, His arms are still open,
And His prayer so softly spoken,
Please come home.

The following day I had a fantastic time catching up with adopted family. I had missed this particular person more than they will ever know, I think. It was as though I had never left. The amazing thing is that she has been to Iringa and understands what I am talking about which is brilliant and also understands the adjustment I am making.

I think the whole time I was there I was experiencing it and pressing on but now I can sit and process all we have gone through.

Yesterday I broached school and faced a training day. It was interesting how staff reacted to me being back. I have missed some of them ever so much. It was quite nice getting my head around things and being in a familiar environment. Then today the kids were back. The little boy I work with was very excited about me being back it was wonderful and I had missed him so much I really just wanted to give him a huge hug and tell him. Both he and another child ran at me (at different points) and gave me a hug when they saw me. I told some of the children a bit about what I have been doing and faced an inquest of questions such as; “Did you see any scary animals over there?” and “When did they start school?” This made for interesting lessons.
Staff at school have been great and really supportive. Now I am facing a new school but another child I know well tomorrow. It will be interesting seeing him and his family again, as well as a colleague and friend after school tomorrow.

Still right now I am taking each day as it comes. Not wanting to rush and not wanting to push myself – I think, and hope, I am learning.

Please feel free to share with me what is happening in your lives,
Much love and blessings, particularly in the year ahead,
Deborah ><>