It has been a while since I started a blog post from scratch looking at a bible passage but as I read this one posted on twitter this morning a thought crossed my mind and I realised it was prevalent.
Yesterday the community of Cranmer Hall and Wesley study Centre went to an island of the Holy variety on a 'quiet' day. It was not so much quiet but it was a lovely day out.
If any of you have been to Holy Island and Lindisfarne you will know that the causeway is completely cut off at certain times, as the tide comes in, which results in no access; the island is in fact an island.
As we drove back yesterday evening the tides had started to turn and the water was slowly making pathways across the sand. We commented on how it could 'sneak' up on you, as it wasn't an obvious surge of water. Before you know it you would be surrounded and stuck in a box on the top of polls for hours.
As I read this passage it make me think of those streams in the sand.
When God is working it doesn't always hit us like a wave hitting the shore line but actually moves slowly.
Without the water this area looks like a 'wasteland', but surrounding the causeway was bright green luscious fields and trees. Without God we have desolate, pointless lives but if we allow Him to fill us with His streams of living water, ever be it slowly, before we know it we will be full and the things around us will be green and beautiful, fruitful and luscious.
I don't know if you have a faith and are reading this. I do and to be honest I am feeling a bit like a barren wasteland at the moment. When i wrote this blog on Friday I was not looking forward to that evening, as many of our community are leaving us to start their ministry in the areas to which God has called them, which means at the same time I am hugely excited for them!
So in a very practical sense God is starting a new thing, both for them and for us who are physically remaining in the community.
So I think the passage hit me on many levels. The great thing is that this is an encouraging passage in which I know God is saying He has great and has exciting things planned, I simply need to let Him move, be it ever so slowly, and fill me up with His water.
Here is a picture of us all having a service on Holy Island - the Island was our chapel:
It's a hard week!!
This week was dubbed 'School's week', why? Well as it says on the tin; because we, as trainee vicars and Methodist ministers had been divided into groups and allocated to various schools across Durham so we could gain a greater understanding of how our future role might relate to those in the education sector; both staff and pupils. It involves two days of teaching (Monday and Friday) and three days in a school. From what I understand it has been a highly informative few days and brought to light to many who have never experienced schools before, the amazing job our teachers and teaching assistants do within our country. This had led to some serious prayer for our education system and I am sure will continue to do so.
I say 'from what I understand' because I have not been partaking in this. No, rather I have been, somewhat limited to the sofa with the highlight of my day being to see one or two people I love and watching West wing. There are worse things in life I hear you say, and you are right. But it has been a week of me facing hard realities.
As I said in my previous post I have been diagnosed with Post-Viral fatigue. This was something I hoped would dramatically improve far quicker than it is doing. In the last week I have suffered a major setback. In part this is because I insist on pushing my body at times when I should allow it to rest. You see what I have not fully appreciated is that although I am doing less than I would like to do I am still doing too much and my body, quite simply can not face it. A week on Monday ago I had to keep going; I had a Greek exam to sit on the Tuesday and All-Age worship to run. I would ordinarily have not done the all age worship but I believe God had made it clear to me that I should, so I fell into His loving arms and He carried me through it. And do you know what? It was great because God was in control. However, health wise it was a bad day. It was a day of running purely on Sugar and Caffeine. Never a good idea!!
I made it through Tuesday too but by Wednesday I was flagging. I was no longer allowing myself to pump myself up on sugar. So by Thursday I couldn't leave the house, I was achey and tired. I still had some work to do, so although I took it slowly I had to press on. I also had social engagements; it is important to have some highlights in your day! Come Monday I was still exhausted, but determined to face a year six trip and at least engage with schools week on this one day. That was until two wise and loving friends sat me down and told me not to be so stupid. They were on this placement with me but they needed only look at me with love and I was a blubbering wreck all over them.
It is not fair. I know life is not fair but it's also really really hard and sucks. I love working in schools, it is what I have done for years. In some ways there is nothing left for me to learn, on the other hand I just love working with children and staff members in schools. It makes my heart sing. Children can be such a delight and it is an honour to support hard working members of staff who work in our schools. But I have not been able to. I have been too unwell.
It has been a wise choice not to be in school but sometimes I hate having to make the sensible option, especially when it feels as though I have no choice as it has been taken out of my hands.
So needless to say there have been a lot of tears shed over the last couple of days as I continue to wrestle with this knowledge that I can not do everything I want to do, sometimes I can't even do a little.
In amongst all this I have found it hard to relate to God. I know I have a good God! I know He loves me, because He tells me over and over again!!! I know He see's what I can not see and He has good plans for me! But right now it is hard.
In college we have been studying psalms in our college communion services on Tuesday nights. This week I could not be there but I have heard all about it. From what I understand He preached on a Psalm and pointed out that God creates darkness as well as light so when we are in dark times in our lives things continue to be hard, but God is there. This pretty much summarises my week. Still, in the midst of the darkness I know God is here and that is always an amazing privilege!
