A worship offering?

It has been a while since I last blogged but I have decided it is once again time for me to pick up my blogging pen (or keyboard) and start to share some thoughts about how the world and life relates to my journey of faith. The adventure is a continuous one.

Yesterday at church i noticed that a member of the worship group had left their electric guitar on the communion table between the alter candles. Here, i feel, is a symbolic picture of modern church.

Some may have taken offence at the blatant disregard of the symbolic significance of the communion table by putting the guitar on it. However, it made me think. Actually placing the thing which is precious and is used for God's glory in worship on a Sunday morning on the table which stands in place of an alter; a place of sacrifice and offering posed the question; are we willing to do the same? Am i willing to lay the things i treasure on the communion table?

At the same time i was struck by the mix of traditional and modern. Here we have the historical communion table for the celebration of the Eucharist met with the modern way of worship;an electric guitar. Isn't this the ideal way of modern church? Mixing the best of tradition and spiritual significance with modern worship and technology to engage with current society.

What do you think, can we mix modern and old like this? Does it work?
What do we feel called to offer as sacrifices to God and do we actually do it?

Hope this makes you think,
blessings, Deborah ><>

'I have summoned you buy name and you are mine.' Isaiah 43:

Stepping out of you confort zone...again!





The wind whipps my face, rain lashes and i shiver. The sea roars and snaps at the rocks somewhere far bellow. I know there is only one way; forward...

I have come to the conclusion this week, and i appologise if i am repeating myself with this blog, that to move forward requires sacrafice and normally a painful one at that. How many of us stand on the edge of opportunities and see the horror around us and not the potential? Like standing on the edge of that cliff.





God doesn't tell us not to take risks. He doesn't tell us to bottle up our feelings and hide who we are. Let's adapt that picture a little more.....





....warmth oozed from painfilled sears on my arms and legs. A sticky thick substance flowed freely against the sharp freezing, salt fillled air, from the jagged slash on my cheak bone, stinging....





Sometimes we are injured and broken but God know's what He is doing, and although we feel there is nothing other than falling into a pit of doom, God knows what lies ahead and calls us to follow Him.





That is SCARY!!





This week i took, yet another, step of faith and it hurts saying goodbye to hopes and dreams;





...I turned, tears streaming from my eyes. The leather squeeked against my jeans as i moved. I tugged at my seatbelt and the black cab pulled away. Through the narrow mirror i could see what i was leaving behind. He stood there, smashual (smart yet cassual) in appearance. He looked great. His lingering aroma still hung on the edge of my nose. I hated saying goodbye. Memories spun through my mind. Plans we had sat and discussed for years dissapearing before me. I didn't believe it would be the last time i saw him, but right now i needed to take this journey. As i focused on what lay ahead a peace passed over me, then fear and dread, mixed in a toxic excitement. I smiled, this might be the craziest adventure i had taken yet...





Just to clarrify that was just an illustration and this whole thing has nothing to do with men at all in my life!!!





Life is scary and hard but what i believe i have learnt this week is that in order to progress and move on you have to take risks, be vulnerable and be open to paying a price higher than the one you would naturally like. Through this, God produces the most amazing adventure you could possibly have! It's not easy; it's not designed to be, but it is there to be expereinced.





Trust me! Trust me! TRUST ME! God yells and we....

well that's your choice. Daily learn to trust God in new ways, although it is not easy I know God has promised me He is shaping me. Like the sea moving the pebbles on a beach against the grains of sand and smoothing me out.

If you know a little of what i am referring to then i encourage you to keep running the race God has for you. Please share your story with me too and hold to the promises of God. This is the one He reminded me off this moning:

But now, this is what the Lord says -

He who created you, O Jacob,

He who formed you, O Israel,

"Fear not, for I have redeemed you;

I have summoned you buy name and you are mine.

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;

and when you pass through the rivers,

they will not sweep over you.

When you walk through the fire,

you will not be burned;

the flames will not set you ablaze.

For I am the Holy One of Israel, your Saviour;

I give Egypt for your ransom,

Cush and Seba in your stead.

Since you are precious and honoured in my sight,

and because I love you...

Isaiah 43: 1 - 4

Love and Blessings, Deborah ><>

'Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!' 2 cornth 5:17

Hi there,

I live in York.

I love bubble baths.

I am a special educational needs teaching assistant.

I love people surprising me with things they know I would like.

I am blonde.

I love reading.

These are all facts about me but they don’t make me who I am. They contribute to it. But it is a good thing they don’t make me who I am because who I am is changing.

At this time of year we tend to contemplate new beginnings. It is said more people decide to change eating habits, join gyms and make promises to renew their attitude towards things. I won’t ask you if you have made, kept or broken any new year’s resolutions. However, I do want to encourage you. The bible tells us every day we have the choice to embrace God’s best and fulfil His plan for our lives. When we surrender everything to God we are shaped and He promises to make us into a new creation.

This always helps and encourages me because a) I know anything I can do I need to do with His strength and help and b) actually even if I did nothing and only surrendered to God He would make us new because we had given our lives to Him.

I know that while I was at university God took me on a massive transformation process. Then I was a youth and children’s parish assistant and He again changed, developed and encouraged me. Being a special educational needs TA requires daily adaptability which God teaches me in and having been in Tanzania I know I am not the same person I was when I left. This is scary and difficult because I am not always sure how to address these changes in me. The great thing is God does. He knows He is doing things in and through me and I have to trust Him. I hate to say it but you do too.

I must also say, I hope that I do not get to the end of this year and think of myself being the same as when I started because then I believe I will not have moved forward in who God has created me to be. Do you really want to be all God wants you to be?

I think as I continue to reflect and experience the life God has called me to I will see changes. Are you willing to spend time reflecting and asking God how He sees you? Have you asked Him how He would like you to change or grow this year?

I am not sure I have done these things so I will now sit and do them myself.

As I reconsider the facts at the top of this post I can’t help but wonder whether any of them may have changed by the end of this year...

Please get in touch and thanks for reading,

Love and blessings, Deborah ><>

“...his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him...threw his arms around him and kissed him.” Luke 15:17b

Hi,

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

So the culture shock has actually set in.

I woke on Sunday morning to rain pattering off the roof and sleepy eyes. I hadn’t slept properly in days and had lost a few hours as a result of partying the night before. My instincts were to run and hide. My normal reaction when not wanting to face reality and feeling overwhelmed. Instead, I drank tea, put on clothes and went to face my dread; meeting people at church. I was scared by how people might react to having me at home.

What I was not prepared for was how I would react to being home. I had missed it far more than I had ever realised. It emphasised that I was home and that was it, no more Tanzania. What is more the one person I wanted to run up to and give a massive hug to I couldn’t and that was difficult. Then add a couple of people being completely insensitive and you meet an incredibly weepy Deborah who basically could not cope. Thank goodness God can.

I admit right here and now that I am a person who does not like to feel as though she cannot cope, or is not there for people. But I am so completely overwhelmed that I have to admit that I cannot cope at the moment and as a result I am a bit useless. Thank fully people at work have understood and not expected me to be 100%. Unlike me who believes I have no reason to be any different from normal. A dear friend told me yesterday that I need to learn to be kind to myself sometimes and she is completely right! So I am treating myself to watching some programmes, or films, a hot bath and a bit of pampering. I think I deserve that.

What has God been saying about the whole thing?

I walked into church, eventually found a seat somewhere at the back and settled down to listen to the sermon. What was the topic? The prodigal son!!! I couldn’t believe it after reading Vicky’s blog earlier in the week. The preacher spoke on how God welcomes us home and gives us hugs when He does so. Here was God pointing out I was home. Just as God pointed out 5 years ago that CPC was the right church for me, here he was pointing out that church was home. God has never left me and I know that but He did want me to know I could have a hug and relax into Him. After all, God knows how hard I am finding things where others don’t.

As if to confirm it I was listening to some Christian music with the lyrics;

And He is waiting and He is hoping,
Though His eyes are weary, His arms are still open,
And His prayer so softly spoken,
Please come home.

The following day I had a fantastic time catching up with adopted family. I had missed this particular person more than they will ever know, I think. It was as though I had never left. The amazing thing is that she has been to Iringa and understands what I am talking about which is brilliant and also understands the adjustment I am making.

I think the whole time I was there I was experiencing it and pressing on but now I can sit and process all we have gone through.

Yesterday I broached school and faced a training day. It was interesting how staff reacted to me being back. I have missed some of them ever so much. It was quite nice getting my head around things and being in a familiar environment. Then today the kids were back. The little boy I work with was very excited about me being back it was wonderful and I had missed him so much I really just wanted to give him a huge hug and tell him. Both he and another child ran at me (at different points) and gave me a hug when they saw me. I told some of the children a bit about what I have been doing and faced an inquest of questions such as; “Did you see any scary animals over there?” and “When did they start school?” This made for interesting lessons.
Staff at school have been great and really supportive. Now I am facing a new school but another child I know well tomorrow. It will be interesting seeing him and his family again, as well as a colleague and friend after school tomorrow.

Still right now I am taking each day as it comes. Not wanting to rush and not wanting to push myself – I think, and hope, I am learning.

Please feel free to share with me what is happening in your lives,
Much love and blessings, particularly in the year ahead,
Deborah ><>

Cars, planes and trains...."Wear your traveling clothes...as though prepared for a long journey..." Ex 12:11

So I have returned to York. How odd it feels and yet there is something wonderfully exciting about being home.

I don’t think I ever envisaged this part of the journey. I have looked forward to seeing people I love dearly again but I didn’t actually ever process how it might feel to be in York again. In some ways it feels like I have never left yet I long for the differences to confirm it is not only me who has changed. I must confess I am also scared. What if I bump into someone I know and I have no idea how to react to them. To be honest, a part of me wants to run away. It sounds odd but that is how I process things; to run and hide for a while. Another part of me begs time to stop while I figure out what it is that is happening within my heart and mind but instead time feels as though it passes quicker in England than it did in Tanzania – a feeling I, quite frankly, hate!

Yesterday I boarded my usual two trains and the underground before getting back to York, where I was met by a dear friend whom I am staying with for the weekend. How wonderful it is to catch up with him and his wife! So although there was no plane yesterday it has taken me trains, buses, cars and planes to eventually be back.

Yesterday London was wet, heaving and generally my worst possible travel conditions. God was faithful and led me where I needed to be and there were some lovely people travelling. Something I have discovered since being back is if you are willing to be friendly 90% of people are willing, at least, to smile back. The problem is wanting to make the effort in the first place. Particularly as it seems everyone is pushing to get what is best for them at that particular time but we are called to shine like stars as Christians, are we not? And sometimes that requires us not to do what everyone else is doing, or what seems natural and push our way to the best position. Rather, we should offer it up. That is hard! I am telling you. But sometimes it requires only that we smile, make small talk with people and be polite that in itself can be enough to brighten anyone’s day.

As you are all aware it is new years eve. I love New Year (or Hogmanay and we refer to it in our house) as I offers some time of reflection over the last year and as I take the next step into the year ahead it is good to see the journey I have undertaken with God. It enables me to see His provision in my life and fill me with a new hope for the year ahead. I am always surprised by how much God seems to have filled in my life in a year and how unexpected most of it has been – some of it good, some not so great but all the adventure I took through choice but also through God’s define provision and abundant grace. How grateful I am to share this journey with Him, and most certainly all of you!

This new year’s eve I am doing something quite different. I have always celebrated previous years with my family and then friends, if we were joining them. This year however marks the momentous occasion where I solely celebrate with friends here in York. It wasn’t that I had particularly planned it but simply that it made more sense to be here now rather than try and travel on Monday. As I read my diary I flicked back to find that I had travelled out of York on August 30th and here I was returning on December 30th through no intention of my own – that’s God for you! So I don’t believe this was my planning and I think that it probably is a good representation of what God has been doing in me over the last year.

Anyway, this will be my last blog of this year. I wish you a very Happy, Blessed and Joyful New Year! Thank you for sharing the adventures we have had this year and I look forward to stepping into and sharing the adventures we will have in 2012. See you on the other side...journeying in ways other than cars, trains and aeroplanes...although we might do that as well.

Love and Blessings, Deborah ><>

'For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given...' Isaiah 9:6

Hi, I hope you had a wonderful Christmas and I know for several of us we are still enjoying the holidays (for a few more days at least).

As my mother says every year; “Well that’s it for another year.” So what have you gained from the Christmas period?

I love advent. Yes I love Christmas but I have to say advent is my favourite. The run up to Christmas gives me space to ponder why I am celebrating this festival and focus on God. Every year I ask Him to teach me something new from the Christmas period because I believe there is so much in this story which we can learn, with God’s help. However, this year I found I couldn’t ask Him to teach me something new. I am not sure why this is but I think it might have something to do with spending the first three weeks of advent in a hot climate in somewhere which I found it difficult to connect with Christmas. In addition to this I find my mind is half in that world still and thus I can hardly believe Christmas was celebrated. So it has been a struggle to accept my physical surroundings let alone ponder the Christmas story and see what God has to teach me this year.

Having said that, I was reading Vicky Beeching’s (Christian music and song writer) blog on boxing. She was looking at the Christmas message in association with the prodigal son and I found that an interesting comparison. I gained so much from another’s insights that I couldn’t help but wonder whether you had learnt anything this year?

I have been taking daily walks for the last week for about an hour at a time. I was out in the beautiful kent countryside yesterday afternoon and was talking to God. I will be honest I love York but I am struggling with the concept of returning in two days time (the horses in the field next to me must have thought I was going mad). I was being honest with God about the whole thing. As we were talking I found myself bringing up the topic of Christmas and my sadness at not having learnt anything new. As I talked to Him about it I realised that something I think is wonderful about the Christmas story is how God provides. He is present in all the little things. He doesn’t leave Joseph to grapple with whether to leave Mary or stay, although I think He did give Joseph the time to grapple for a while, but instead sent and angel to Him also. He involved some unsuspecting shepherds. He told the wise men to go home a different route and sent Mary and Joseph to Egypt. He was present in the little things. Although I am sure we would agree we would have preferred better accommodation than a stable, and let’s face it if God is God he could have arranged it, that it was His perfect plan. Did Mary and Joseph complain? I don’t know, it’s not recorded if they did but I bet they were just relieved to have somewhere to stay and how many of us have been in situations and wanted something better yet at the same time been relieved it wasn’t worse? I know I have (a lot recently). He picked the one person who could relate to Mary’s situation to be a relation; her cousin Elizabeth. God is in the little things. What is more, this is the case for us today too. If we let Him God will be in every little thing. I have experienced that hugely over the last few months. I am grateful that I no longer have to pray for water on a regular basis but did God object to me asking? I don’t think so and did He answer and provide Yes He did because He loves us and enjoys being involved in every aspect of our lives.

So can I encourage you to ask God to speak into the little things in your lives? Also, please share anything you have been learning this Christmas in the comments section bellow.

Thanks. Much love and Blessings and I hope you had a wonderful Christmas and have some brilliant new year celebrations this weekend. Deborah ><>

'One half of the world cannot understand the pleasures of the other.' Jane Austen, Emma

Hi all,

So i have been home two whole weeks! I can hardly believe it! What is more it was christmas at the weekend and that is the most bazzar concept i can fathom. But HAPPY CHRISTMAS!!!

These weeks feel as though they have passed rather quickly. During this time I have; washed clothes (in a washing machine!!!!!!!); sang christmas carols; wrapped christmas prezzies; helped break a world record with 17,000 people in the UK; watch the church nativity; baked; shopped and much more.

I think i am adapting back into being in the UK fairly well. I haven't had any freek out's thus far and i have been in several shopping centres already. Perhaps it is because i am keeping busy, when you have a dad who is a minister you are always busy at this time of the year. Perhaps it is an answer to all your prayers. Perhaps it's because it feels as though nothing has changed...however that is where i am struggling a bit. You see i expected things to have changed. In some ways they have but in others my brain is struggling to process what it has absorbed over the last three months while life has been continuing here.

One thing i have notcied is a slight change within myself. I was walking through one of those shopping centre's i mentioned and found that i wanted to smile at everyone i met. In addition to that i want to talk to every shop worker i am being served by. Not to be nosey, not to be 'sociable' but because i genuinely want to brighten up their day. I want Christ to reach through me and touch them. Although i wanted this before for some reason it feels easier now and i am not sure why, perhaps it is my shear delight at being home...? I'm not sharing this with you because i want to sound good or christian but because i want to be honest about my whole expereince.

I have also found that i have been presumptious and judgemental regarding the english people. I presumed when i returned i would find it hard because no-one would interact with me but on the same shopping trip, not only did i find myself reacting oddly but, i had three different conversations with serval people in groups, cuplets or individually. It was great! I love talking to people - you all know that! But this was beyond what i was used to and it was lovely.

I would love to know what God is teaching me through all this perhaps one day i will know and perhaps i will never know. Time here certainly moves a lot faster than in Tanzania and i know my perception on how things were has already been completely tainted because I am now surrounded by familurarity. Never underestimate the feeling of comfort which comes from the little things; people wearing clothes you would expect and acknowledge them to wear; black tarmac on roads with central reservations and cows standing in feilds not just walking up the middle of the road; christmas trees in windows; hot water; kettles and washing machines; etc.

I must admit i fear loosing what i knew and understood during my time in Tanzania. However, i trust God will continue to teach and show me things which i can't predict nor forsee. In the meantime i will keep sharing.

Love and blessings, Deborah ><>