Hi,
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
So the culture shock has actually set in.
I woke on Sunday morning to rain pattering off the roof and sleepy eyes. I hadn’t slept properly in days and had lost a few hours as a result of partying the night before. My instincts were to run and hide. My normal reaction when not wanting to face reality and feeling overwhelmed. Instead, I drank tea, put on clothes and went to face my dread; meeting people at church. I was scared by how people might react to having me at home.
What I was not prepared for was how I would react to being home. I had missed it far more than I had ever realised. It emphasised that I was home and that was it, no more Tanzania. What is more the one person I wanted to run up to and give a massive hug to I couldn’t and that was difficult. Then add a couple of people being completely insensitive and you meet an incredibly weepy Deborah who basically could not cope. Thank goodness God can.
I admit right here and now that I am a person who does not like to feel as though she cannot cope, or is not there for people. But I am so completely overwhelmed that I have to admit that I cannot cope at the moment and as a result I am a bit useless. Thank fully people at work have understood and not expected me to be 100%. Unlike me who believes I have no reason to be any different from normal. A dear friend told me yesterday that I need to learn to be kind to myself sometimes and she is completely right! So I am treating myself to watching some programmes, or films, a hot bath and a bit of pampering. I think I deserve that.
What has God been saying about the whole thing?
I walked into church, eventually found a seat somewhere at the back and settled down to listen to the sermon. What was the topic? The prodigal son!!! I couldn’t believe it after reading Vicky’s blog earlier in the week. The preacher spoke on how God welcomes us home and gives us hugs when He does so. Here was God pointing out I was home. Just as God pointed out 5 years ago that CPC was the right church for me, here he was pointing out that church was home. God has never left me and I know that but He did want me to know I could have a hug and relax into Him. After all, God knows how hard I am finding things where others don’t.
As if to confirm it I was listening to some Christian music with the lyrics;
And He is waiting and He is hoping,
Though His eyes are weary, His arms are still open,
And His prayer so softly spoken,
Please come home.
The following day I had a fantastic time catching up with adopted family. I had missed this particular person more than they will ever know, I think. It was as though I had never left. The amazing thing is that she has been to Iringa and understands what I am talking about which is brilliant and also understands the adjustment I am making.
I think the whole time I was there I was experiencing it and pressing on but now I can sit and process all we have gone through.
Yesterday I broached school and faced a training day. It was interesting how staff reacted to me being back. I have missed some of them ever so much. It was quite nice getting my head around things and being in a familiar environment. Then today the kids were back. The little boy I work with was very excited about me being back it was wonderful and I had missed him so much I really just wanted to give him a huge hug and tell him. Both he and another child ran at me (at different points) and gave me a hug when they saw me. I told some of the children a bit about what I have been doing and faced an inquest of questions such as; “Did you see any scary animals over there?” and “When did they start school?” This made for interesting lessons.
Staff at school have been great and really supportive. Now I am facing a new school but another child I know well tomorrow. It will be interesting seeing him and his family again, as well as a colleague and friend after school tomorrow.
Still right now I am taking each day as it comes. Not wanting to rush and not wanting to push myself – I think, and hope, I am learning.
Please feel free to share with me what is happening in your lives,
Much love and blessings, particularly in the year ahead,
Deborah ><>
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